do you really think i am that stupid?

so why don't you give me a hug.

2006-08-27T22:24:00.000+08:00

i am sick.

not literally sick as sick.

but, i am sick.

sick of people trying to control my life.

sick of being always the center of humor.

i am just sick.

i woke up this morning feeling hot. hot as in high in temperature. and a knocking sound in my head. i feel my blood pumping into my brain. a headache i pressumed. i cannot rise from bed the instant i woke up. i needed 30 more minutes before i fully let my feet do the work of going to the dining area. the moment i was there, sermon welcomed me to eat. this really made my day feel so down. but, it was not long enough that they noticed how different i was acting. and at that time, they discovered i have fever. allergic rhinitis also infected me. i cant help sneezing.

the day went on as it should and i continued doing the usual things i do on a sunday. i didnt mind being sick. i just left it as if it were part of my usual sunday. but, this evening, after dinner i felt worse. i went online trying to seek comfort from friends; and, it was then that i didnt find any. i dont have the courage to ask my aunt or uncle for some comfort. that would be awkward. i didnt have enough energy to text either.

all the time i was infront of the computer i was listening to cacai velasquez' forever blue. it was not long until a drop of tear curled down my cheek. i didnt notice it at first but my eyes began to water and i cant help it. dramatic it may seem, it was then that i really felt the feeling of loneliness without someone comforting you in your pain. this is the first time it happened to me. and, all that i long for is a hug from a friend. after that, i know things will be different.

me, my lovelife and the UP Pep.

2006-08-26T22:57:00.000+08:00

well, today i really felt stupid.

but, due to the fact that ateneans [im having a general statement] - ok, 2 ateneans- are so bossy and boastful, i just cant seem to tell whether i would pity them or be angry with them. thinking that they can't do anything else with their time but to push other people around is very much likely asking why they exist in this world.

i can answer my question. maybe they are in this world to let people know the difference of doing what is wrong and what is right. i wont bother mentioning what they did. its just that it was not right saying those things to me. and dont ask me whether i was sure they were ateneans for i am. they were wearing blue shirts and one was sporting a white jacket with a blue A in it - would you say that they were not ateneans?

well, this entry was not supposed to be about them. but, i wanted to say that you have your place in this world. and maybe, they have nothing to do with their lives and they wanted to mess with mine. i wouldnt let them. PUH-leese.

okay, stop talking about them. now, its all about me. tonight, while i was walking through the skyway connecting Doroteo Jose and Recto station i was just wondering how it would be me being involved in a relationship. i really cant see myself into one. how hard it is just thinking of it! how much more it would be experiencing it? last friday night at our tambayan, i asked our resident fortune teller to look at my fortune. she let me ask one question answerable either by yes or no. i asked "would i have a lovelife in 5 years time?". the answer clearly stated yes, as she said so.

the thought just left me speechless. i just dont know how would that happen. or i was thinking whether it is right to believe in those things. there is nothing wrong in believing but we should know the consequences.

as i have been reiterating these days, love is not at the top of my priority list. it comes in the 50th to the 100th. true. it takes something little to make me happy. UP winning a game is one. me being asked to join the Pep Squad is one. those kind of little things.

i want to leave a quote ive been living up to: "I was never meant for loving. I am here to make others happy."

yes, you heard it right i was asked to join the UP Pep Squad.

the scene:
HE: kuya, anong year mo na at course.
AKO: IE, 2nd year.
HE: ano nga pla name mo?
AKO: jod.
HE: gusto mo sumali ng pep?
AKO: [stunned]

i was flattered. they are asking me to join. but, i really think without bias but to look at the practicality of the situation. actually, i wanted to join Pep since i was first year - the dancers to be exact. but, when the second semester came and i saw drummer's application posters, iw anted to be a drummer. and now, i met ajee [ajee is a drummer applicant] i want to be part of the Pep. the problem is, the training goes from 5pm-9pm. and, i dont have my own mode of transportation so it wouldnt be convenient for me to go home. i have to weigh my pros and cons perfectly before i make any decision. anyway, i can always joint raining anytime i am sure that i really want to become part of it. i just hope it wouldnt be too late.

i am going to leave you the message i saw on the new up pep banner on our very old and rusty bus:

SEE YOU THIS CHEERDANCE COMPETITION
(not word by word)

an out of the classroom lesson.

2006-08-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

the day didnt appear as bad as i thought it would be. well, i was expecting today to be "not" fun as the day was yesterday. but, today was completely different.

today, i realized something i havent realized for so long. i know that it would be too boastful to say that i am really kind. i know you wouldnt believe me; but, believe me, i am. i find it easy to trust someone i just met without even knowing more of them. i just trust them. if in danger, i may trust my life to a complete stranger. that is how i am.

so this morening, someone i just met told me how bitchy i was to play him around. i just asked myself, who the hell he is thinking i was playing around with him. that is when i thought how even trusted him without even knowing him. all the while i thought he was a friend. but, it didnt take long before he revealed his true colors. a text message broke the silence. all the time we were arguing through text did i realize what the point of the argument was. and it popped into my mind that i did nothing wrong and that he does not have the right to call me a liar. first, i didnt even know what his reasons were. second, he doesnt know me that well to blame me for anything that has happened to him. and third, the hell i dont care about his business or about his and his whatever's business.

all through physics lab, i was bothered by one question. why am i bothered with his texts even if i dont know him long enough? and it is that i trusted him even if we talk throught text. i truested someone i barely even know. and that was what's wrong.

and now, i ask myself why do i always get hurt when people say something bad about other people. and, the answer is right infront of me. the moment i meet someone, i always stick to my mind that whoever he/she is, he/she is a good person. i seldom think that people are bad. that is what my problem is. no matter how much they have hurt me, i always think that this is God's way of testing me on how i love my friends.

even if this happened to me, i still believe that people, in nature, are good. no matter what happens, there is still good in them. and what i have learned, i should be too trusting of others. more, if we only just met them.

my journey of meeting new people doesnt stop here; moreover, this only teaches me a lesson i would need in meeting new acquaintances. and i hope, through this lesson, i would have a better selection of friends.

today.

2006-08-14T19:27:00.000+08:00

everything seems to fall apart.

i can tell you that this one of those days when it seems that everything is against you.

even the weather is on the opposing force.

it is when you realize that what you are aiming for is completely impossible.

this is the day when everything that you believe in just dont seem believable anymore.

this is the day he/she says "dont love me the way you do now".

this is the day you discover the reason why he/she didnt go with you on your monthsary.

this is the day when you feel like you are AGAIN nobody.

the day you feel so worthless and that everything you do doesnt seem to be in place.

this is the day your horoscope tells you that your luck suddenly stops.

this is the moment you have been waiting for yet makes you wait a little longer.

that is how may day went. i thought that this would be one of the happiest days of the week. still, i know that there is a time for everything. there will be this time that the world would be rotating and it would be my happy day.

this week.

2006-08-12T20:51:00.000+08:00

i have had such a very hectic week. i cant even believe myself reading my photcopied readings and understanding physics concepts in the dead of the night. never in my life did i experiecned those things. in highschool, my studying didnt last until 11 or 12 un the evening. but now, it just so happen that i am still up by 1am. the problem with it is that i need to wake up real early for my 7 and 830am classes. i whine for my sleepless nights. and more for my pokemon professor.

i am really nervous about how my essay would be criticized. actually, i just made it out of nowhere. my topic is really off. and i did it because i had no choice. i really learn a lot from my professor, friend nelson. he really is a friend. and through our essay writing workshop he really believes in me. actually, even if my essay has not beeen discussed yet; he know i have my opinions about everything and that i make very constructive criticisms about other's essay. for example, last meeting he decided that we criticize the essay by Tarantella [we write in pseudonyms. and mine's Kapitan Kalaykay]. i havent read the essay yet. so i decided to skip reciting when he asks for our opinions about the essay. then he asked me if ever i had something to say. but i honestly told him that i did not have the chance to read his essay. so he decided to make the discussion longer so that i can finish reading it and say something. but, i really didnt want to say something about his topic. so he just went off criticizing the next in line.

to tell you the truth, i never felt that important during a discussion. during high school, when it comes tot discussions about a certain essay or topic i just feel invisible. its like i enver get to say anything that would help. true. i read and undertand the literature we would be discussing for the day but i never get to share my ideas and opinions. my opinions back then were not important. what they ened me for is answers to assignments and quizzes, not what comes from my mouth. i admit, i was better of in written activities than in oral ones. but, when it comes to the point that i speak, i never feel that i have th attention i deserve.

at this point, i am just so proud i get to study in a university where all opinions are respected.

another, in our MPs10 class, as i have said, we are criticizing essays. another thing that i have learned is how to make life moe creative. as sir said, we shouldnt put normal everyday experiences for everybody have experienced it. there would be mno point telling us how your day went without it being extraordinary. i know it sounds so bad to the writer of the essay. but, it really is true. there is no point telling us thigns we already know.

i think that through all of these things that are happening to mei can say that somehow, i changed. i admit that before i tend to neglect my responsibilities. but certain situations - i just dont know what they are- made me somehow responsible. i know in a certain time and place i will mature to be more responsible and think of others also.

I ADMIT I AM sometimes SELFISH.

to go to Galera, you need to study.

2006-08-08T20:36:00.000+08:00

i am having less time for blogging or for doing my usual nighttime internet surfing.

i can feel the effects of too much academics in life. i am beginning to feel so sick! in the morning, i can tell that i have fever. even if i really have none, i can insist that i have fever. maybe, i just want to have a day of rest. that is all i want. my classes run from mondays to fridays but it so happens that i have extracurricular events on saturdays and uaap games to attend to every sundays.

even through my hectic schedule, i can still have fun. during my 2 hour break times - which do not result to real break times - i go to our tambayan and have fun and socialize with people there. actually, it is part of my duty as a memcom director. well, it is not said explicitly but it is implied that when it comes to the application process i have something to do with it. making sure that the applicants feel welcome is part of my job. but, i feel so guilty about not having to REALLY fulfill this responsibility. i dont spend that much time with them. i wish i could.

another, i am very depressed about what is happening to my other organization. i am rarely seen during GAs. it is partly my fault. the GAs start at 5 and my class either ends in 1 or 530. GAs are on mondays so, my classes end at 1 so it is very difficult to stay and have nothing to do from 1-5. they are coining what is happening to me as "disappearing act". i really promise that i would be attending the next GA to be held. and oh, i owe them 10 pesos for each GA i did not attend. gah!

karen's birthday is coming. still, i havent got an idea of what to give her on that day. and, i dont have money to buy something if ever i had an idea of what to give her. because, i am saving such that i can pay back mom what i owe her for buying my fone. my celfone is not free you know! i still need to work hard to say that i really bought it myself.

anyway, school is demanding so much attention and i really cannot -even for a short period of time- lose my focus. because when i begin to enjoy doing something i would be doing it until the moment i become tired of it. so, as much as possible i take my eyes off possible temptations like internet surfing, texting, watching television. but, here is the catch, whenever i study it is either i am in the living room in front of the television or at the dining room at the back of the television. and, usually, my fone is within 5 meter radius and i can hear the computer's speakers out loud. so much for contradiction and temptation.

okay i have to go back to studying now. but lately i have relaized that whenever you want to get things done, you got to maintain focus. because the moment you lose the momentum of finishing what you've started, it is very hard to take it back. for now, i am going to focus on studying.

and, good news everyone. i just failed our math55 first long examination. well, i am expecting that. but, for my parents to approve of me going to Puerto Galera this sembreak with my college blockmates, i better start studying and make my grades go up.

tata. wish me luck.

into the oblation nation.

2006-08-03T20:33:00.000+08:00

are classes will be cut tomorrow for the school's preparation for this year's upcat.

i remember that i took my upcat last 13august04 at 1230pm. approximately 2 years from now. as i remember correctly, i didnt really STUDY hard. the days that i took studying for the upcat seriously was a weekend wherein i stayed in my room except for meals. i just read and read books and my old notes.

actually, upcat wouldnt be such a hassle. to make sure you really get in, you should have started early. your qualifications for entiring up does not depend on your upcat scores alone. your upg is part-upcat score and part-highschool grades. so, even if you are an honor student in your senior year but just slacked off for the first three years of highschool, better beware.

getting into up requires a lot of wit and intelligence. it is up to you what tactics you would plan to really fo into the university. some take a course they think no one would ever pick. and, eventually, after they enter the university, shift to the course they really wanted.

what i just want to say is that i bid all the upcat takers goodluck and i really hope that they would get into the oblation nation.

the issue with tissue

2006-08-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

Habang ginagawa ko ang aking pang-araw-araw na internet surfing, nakaramdam ako ng pagkasawa sa mga website tulad ng ubelt.com at friendster.com na lagi kong pinupuntahan. Naisip ko na bakit hindi ako maghanap ng ibang pwedeng puntahan. Nakita ko sa aking kabinet ang Guinness Book of World Records 2003 Edition na may pabalat na nagrereflect ng ilaw. Naramdaman ko na lang ang aking mga kamay na pinipindot ang keyboard upang buuin ang adres na www.guinnessworldrecords.com. Biruin mo, may nakatala dito tungkol sa babae na may mga kuko na ang haba ay aabot ng pitong metro. Kung nakatira siya dito sa bahay namin ay malamang pinagalitan na siya dahil sa hindi paggupit ng kanyang mga kuko. At mayroon pang isa na nakatala tungkol sa dami ng sapatos na napakinis ng apat na tao sa loob ng walong oras. May nagsasabi sa isip ko na para saan pa at kailangang gawin ang mga bagay na tulad ng pagkikinis ng sapatos ng apat na tao. Napansin ko rin na halos lahat ng pwedeng itala ay naitatala – bilang ng sipit na maaring ilagay sa mukha, bilang ng straw na kayang isuksok sa bunganga, pinakamalaking sandcastle, pinakamataas na bahay na gawa sa baraha. Ang mga naisasama dito ay ang mga bagay na halos araw-araw ay ating ginagamit o nakikita. Ngunit, parang nakalimutan natin ang isang bagay na kung tutuusin ay naging malaking parte ng buhay, hindi lamang ng bawat Pilipino ngunit ng bawat tao sa buong mundo, ang tissue. Sinubukan kong maghanap ng tala para dito ngunit sa kasamaang palad ay wala akong makita. SInuyod ko na ang Google, Yahoo at lahat ng search engine sa internet ay wala pa rin akong napala. Teka, anu-ano nga naman ang mga gamit ng tissue para naman may maisip tayong maaring gawin dito para naman hindi siya OP (out of place) sa iba pang bagay?

Bago ang lahat, gusto kong sabihin na ayon sa wikipedia.org ang tissue ay unang lumabas at ginamit noong ika-labingapat na daantaon sa Tsina. Sinabi ko ito para lang may alam tayo kung kailan unang nagkaroon ng tissue at upang mapatunayan na mas nauna natin itong gamitin kaysa sa sipit o straw. Noong ginawa ito, ang naging pangunahing gamit nito ay ang linisin ang dumi sa katawan. Ginagamit ito ng mga tao na pamunas ng puwet upang matanggal ang tira-tirang dumi matapos maglabas ng sama ng loob. Kadalasan din itong pinampupunas ng ari upang matuyo ang naiwang ihi matapos umihi. Hindi nagtagal, nagsawa sila sa tuyong tissue lang. Naisip nila na idawdaw ito sa tubig upang maging mamasa-masa nang hindi na sila maghugas ng katawan gamit ang tabo at tubig. Katamaran nga naman, oo. Pero, huwag ka, ito ang ideyang nagdulot ng pagkaimbento ng wet wipes.

Ang pinakacommon na gamit ng tissue ay ang tinatawag nating sanitary purposes, ibig sabihin ay para sa kalinisan na katulad ng nasasaad sa itaas. Pero, sa kasalukuyang panahon ay mas malawak na ang saklaw ng gamit ng tissue sa larangan ng kalinisan. Una, ang tissue ay ginagamit para sa kalinisan ng katawan. Halos lahat ng dumi ng kahit anong parte ng katawan ay maaring linisin gamit ng tissue – naglalangis na mukha, ilong na puno na ng kulangot at sipon, tengang may luga, libag sa katawan at iba pa. Ngunit, hindi lahat ng parte ng katawan ay maaari nating linisin gamit ang tissue. Bakit, nasubukan mo na bang maglinis ng kuko at ngipin gamit ang tissue? Kaya naimbento ang manicure set at sepilyo para sa mga gawaing tulad ng unang nasaad. Ikalawa, ang tissue ay maaring panlinis ng kagamitan sa bahay. Ngunit, hindi ba mas magastos kung tissue ang gagamitin mong pamunas ng alikabok o di kaya’y panglinis ng banyo? Ang mga simpleng dumi sa bahay tulad ng natapong tubig o kaya ay naiwang mumu ng kinaing tinapay ay siyang mga bagay na maaari mong linisin gamit ang tissue.

Isa pa sa mga gamit ng tissue ay ang scholastic purposes. Dito, sa paaralan naman natin ginagamit ang tissue. Sa umaga, pagpasok sa eskwela ay nagbabaon tayo upang makatipid at magamit natin ang pera sa mas kapakipakinabang na bagay. Ang sandwich na ating babaunin ay babalutin sa tissue. Bakit hindi na lang plastik? Ang tissue ay recyclable kaya nakaktulong ka na rin sa ating kapaligiran; ang plastik ay hindi. At alangan namang, ilalagay mo na lang ng basta sa loob ng bag ang sandwich mo. Ang isa pang gamit ng tissue sa mundo ng academics ay maaari mo itong gawing pambalot ng iyong mga kwaderno at libro. Magmumukhang mas presentable ang iyong kagamitan. Sa mga supermarket ay may binebentang tissue na may disenyong bulaklak o kabayo, maaari mo itong gamitin; sobra kang makakatipid. At, ang isa pang gamit nito sa pag-aaral ay para sa mga proyekto mo. Maaari mong i-suggest sa iyong guro na laging paper machè ang iyong mga proyekto. Malaki ang maitutulong ng tissue pagdating sa larangan na ito. Naalala ko nga noong hayskul ay nawala ang pambura n gaming white board, nagtanong si ma’am kung sino ang may pamunas at naglabas naman ang aking kaklase ng isang kahon ng tissue. Biruin mo, nagbabaon ang kaklase ko ng isang malaking kahon ng tissue sa paaralan. Ganoon kaimportante sa kanya ang tissue.

Ang huling kategorya ng mga gamit ng tissue ay ang tatawagin kong public affairs purposes. Dito, ginagamit ang tissue upang makisalamuha sa ibang tao. Maari mong ipambalot ng regalong maliliit ang tissue sa mga kaibigan mong may kaarawan. Sinasabi kong maliit lang dapat ang regalo kasi kung malaki ang iyong nais na iregalo ay malamang mapupunit ang tissue. Magbalot ba ng teddy bear gamit ang tissue? Isa pang halimbawa, ikaw ay nasa isang hotel restaurant at may dinner date ka. Sa restaurant na ito ay kumakanta ang paboritong mang-aawit ng iyong kasama at ninais niyang kantahin ng mang-aawit ang inyong theme song. Hindi ba’t kahiya-hiya kung bigla kang aakyat sa stage at bulungan ang mang-aawit? Ang tamang gawin dito ay kumuha ka ng tissue, tawagin ang waiter at humiram ng bolpen. Isulat sa tissue ang nasabing theme song at ipaabot ito sa mang-aawit sa pamamagitan ng waiter. Ang susunod na gamit nito ay para sa mga lalaki. Kung ikaw ay isang chickboy marahil ay alam mo na ang tinutukoy ko. Ang gamit ng tissue ay para may masusulatan ka ng cell number ng natipuan mong GRO sa club na pinuntahan mo. Hindi naman ito nagiging mabunga dahil kadalasan ay masyadong nagkakasiyahan sa loob ng bar at namamawis ang lalaki. Ang resulta, nababasa ang tissue at hindi na mabasa ang nakasulat. Ang huli para sa kategoryang ito ay para sa mga show-off na wala namang ipinagmamalaki. Para ito sa mga lalaki at babae na nais magyabang na mayroon silang ipapakita. Sa mga babae, ang tissue ay ginagwang padding ng bra upang magmukhang malaki ang boobs nila – para maisip ng mga tao na cup C sila kahit na ang totoo ay cup A lang talaga sila. Sa mga lalaki naman, nilalagay nila ito sa kanilang brief at magsusuot ng hapit na pambaba upang magmukhang malaki ang kanilang alaga. Ang resulta, nadidismaya ang kanilang mga nakakaengkwentro dahil sa padding lang pala ang dahilan kung bakit malaki ang mga parte na kanilang inaasam. Hindi naman laging sa panlalandi lang ang gamit ng tissue. Maaari mo rin itong iabot sa iyong kaibigan kung siya ay umiiyak. Malay mo, lumaki pa ang tiwala niya sa iyo at magkaroon ka ng instant bestfriend.

Hindi lamang ito ang mga gamit ng tissue. May mga bagay na hindi sumasailalim sa mga kategoryang aking ginawa. Isa pa dito ay maaari mong ipangtakip sa iyong tenga ang tissue habang pinapagalitan ka ng nanay mo. Pero, hindi ito advisable kasi kabastusan iyon. Ang mga halimbawang sinasaad sa sanaysay na ito ay ang mga maaring maitulong sa atin ng tissue.

Ang tissue ay isang pang-araw-araw na bagay. Lagi natin itong nakikita kaya hindi natin binibigyan ng ganoon kalaking importansya. Wala akong nais ipahiwatig, at hindi ko naman sinasabing mas bigyan ng atensyon ang tissue. Nais ko lang iparating na ang bawat bagay, maliit man o malaki ay maraming maaaring maging gamit sa atin - kahit sipit man o straw. Sa ating buhay, kung paano natin gamitin ang mga bagay sa ating paligid ang siyang magsasabi sa atin kung anong klaseng mga tao tayo. Kaya, gamitin ang tissue ng maayos at huwag sa kung anu-anong katarantaduhan.

I-print ko kaya ‘to sa tissue para mas tipid?

the simplest of things.

2006-07-27T20:09:00.000+08:00

i am happy.

it does not meant hat everything went my way today. actually, i was not able to attend my firt two classes - math (with 5 absences) and physics (the-hell-do-i-care-how-many-absences-i-had). to prove that it was not always my way, we had our very first men's volleyball loss to CE and i was not able to use a cellfone today. that was how my day went.

but, we didnt report on EL50 and would be having monday as our reseacrh day. hah. and, we "watched" high school musical at the tambayan. although not fully but still, i got a glimpse of it.

anyway, my day taught me - the same as how my every day teaches me - to enjoy the simplest thigns in life. AND, be grateful for it. waking up this morning - even if it is suuuuper late for my first class - is one thing to be thankful for. sometimes, i often think if i ever thank God for letting me wake up the next day. second, i was just happy that i realize how important it is to come to class (given na to, it is our responsibility to come to class. i for myself am guilty for being absent. SORRY!). i was just happy that we were able to show CE that we are a team to beat. even if we dont have our eng'g varsities (we really dont have one) or those pro players, we still showed them that we would not be giving up easily. i was happy because i had my points too! i had aces, attacks and digs. i think that was my best game yet.

a simple entry to tell a simple story. you need not make an entry with deep vocabulary just to tell happy you are. gregarious, joyfull, happy - different words that relay the same meaning.

dont look too much, you may miss the simplest aspects of life which may lead you to more frustration. learn to appreciate the simplest things and you'll see what happiness really is.

a big upset.

2006-07-24T12:35:00.000+08:00

what has happened to our beloved UP Fighting Maroons?

it was jsut so frustrating. i have figured out that the sitting area was the bad luck. or is it? well, maybe. we also lost to ADMU when we were on that side. really, we can't blame others or on this event things for our loss. we make our own decisions. it is our own fault we lost to Adamson after having a 14-point lead when the first half ended.

and after that, everything just went wrong. and the game closed with i having a last song syndrome of "A-D-A-M-S-O-N".. that cheer.

maglalabas lang ako ng bitterness ha.
-HOY! ang originaltiy 2 pesos lang sa hardware! kaya pede ba maghanap kayo ng sarili nyong cheer. mga gayagaya!

i was not bitter of the loss. not at all. but i was ranting about how their cheer sounded. with that admason cheer ending with "YU!". wasnt that a complete rip-off of our Unidersidad Cheer ending in "U!". what courage to use that in front of us. ugh!

with our game against FEU next week, there would be so much possibilities. if FEU loses to Ateneo, they have a 0-4 slate then they need the win more. but if they win, they have higher morals, they could win our match with them. UP, on the other hand, is suffering under two straight loses and i think is really ready to show their stuff.

1-2 standing, the bast we can get out of this first round is 3-3. 3 loses because i would be adding to that UE. and 3 wins because i strongly think we can make an upset for FEU and NU. but i really hope we can beat UE also.

in love.

2006-07-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

it's hard to believe.
that i couldn't see.
you were always right beside me.

i thought i was alone.
with no one to hold.
but, you were always right beside me.

this feeling's like no other.
i want you to know.

that i never had someone who knows me like you do
the way you do
and i never had someone that's good for me as you
no one like you

i'm so lonely before
i finally found
what i've been looking for

the real series of unfortuante events.

2006-07-20T18:47:00.000+08:00

wednesday couldnt get any better. i am sarcastic.

well, if you i go to sleep feeling bad, i would wake up the next day feeling worse. i went to sleep feeling bad because my fone is already broken. after almost a year of ownership, i lost my fone. AGAIN! not really lost, its that it's of no use to me now.

come wednesday, waking up on the hope of being able to fix my broken fone, i wanted to start the day right. but, it rained and i was really out of the mood to go bursting into the rain. i left home thinking i prepared all the things i would be needing that day. physics72.1 class was not that fun since sir was not giving off bonus points although he is late. [the reason: no one exclaimed he was late] also, i was too tired to do the experiment. then, i asked my groupmates, patag and cess, if they could accompany me to philcoa so that i could inquire about my broken fone. by the end of class, sir asked us to repeat our previous worksheet since we didnt answer the questions correctly. it would be so much of a hassle to repeat a worksheet. but, since i only got a percentage of 57, i might as well repeat it.

we went directly to philcoa and then they decided to by Baba Shawarma Rice. yes, i thought that it could be something to brighten up my day. we reached citimall and i looked for a cellfone repair shop immmediately. the technician told me that it has a problem with casing and that there were no available case for my fone. i just accepted the factt hat it would be fixed right then and there so i followed my friends to baba's.

after that, we went to the tambayan to eat our sharwarma rice. it was trina's birthday so we greeted her and even let us eat her mango cake. yey! at least for a while i was happy. then, i wore my ie dept. shirt for a volleyball game. we would be battling it out with ME department. we were early to arrive so we thought of practicing our play. it was freenan's turn to kill when i decided to try to block. after that incident, my feet got trapped into his and it resulted to a sprain in the ankle. it was not that painful so i continued on playing until default time was over. and, we won by default. 2-0 for the ie dept. again, for that short moment, i was happy.

we, again, changed clothes for our cwts class. by that time, my ankle was really hurting and i am finding it hard to walk. when we reached the gym, [imagine, i even endured walking towards the gym] it is only then that i realized that i forgot to bring my sling and gloves. to my advantage, we were only doing a written exam, a lecture on compass reading and a practical exam on wearing your sling in 5 secs. but, still i didnt have my sling. anyway, i got 14/15 on the written exam. woohoo! without even having a hard time studying. haha. i was real worried when they said there would be a practical exam. i quickly asked ate sam if i could borrow hers. and she agreed. [why wouldnt she?] it was a group exam so i really tried hard to do the 5 second thing so that i wouldnt be thec ause of our downfall. and, we got a hundred on that exam.

the class was dismissed early so i asked my blockmates if we can go home so that i can rest my ankle and i would like to drop by concepcion market to have another look at my fone. [i was not losing hope that my fone would still be fixed] fortuantely, i reached concepcion and the technician there told me that the problem is with my power switch and that two resistors are missing. and he said he would be able to fix it. [still, it ended up not being fixe because there is one big problem, and i dont know anything about that problem] but, NO! there are no chances. so i went home broken-hearted. [this is the first time i was broken-hearted and it is not because of love!]

the first thing i did when i came home is to throw that fone into the wall. and spike it. and kick it. i just poured all my heart out. well, there wouldnt be much effect. my tita noticed that i was limping so she told me to go to our nextdoor neighbor. [manghihilot!] hinilot niya ko! it was super painful. i was releasing high-pitched sounds of pain. you would really see that i was suffering from pain. then she wrapped smoked tuba leaves over my ankle with the use of my handkerchief and then she adviced my not to wet the sprained part. so, there was no bathing for me! argh. that night, i slept early because of all the frustrations i am handling.

with a sprained ankle, broken fone, and much more things tumbling in my head, it was really hard to sleep. but a little while later, i was there snoring. taking all the pain in the world and converting them into snores.

mission maroon #2: failed

2006-07-16T19:41:00.000+08:00

MISSION MAROON #2: FAILED!

after the cancellation of UP-NU game last thursday, the Maroons are bound to contend with the Eagles earlier this afternoon. After a nerve wrecking first quarter, the Maroon fans were so full of hope that the UP MBT might really be able to clinch this game and own a 2-0 win-loss card. but, after that 30-30 score tally, the Eagles never gave the Maroons a chance to take the lead except for a moment in the second quarter when the Maroons are up by 1. Towards the end of the third quarter, the Eagles are up by 10 and i totally saw how devastated the Maroons were. Into the fourth quarter, the Maroons started to show how they play when they caught up with the Eagles and actually took the lead but only for a short period of time. But, the Eagles really showed their might and stole the lead from the Maroons and made a lead of 14 points. The true Maroon in every Maroon lifted off and tried to cut down the lead but ended up down by 9.

the Eagles really dominated the game. actually, there really was no point in the game dominated by the Maroons. sad but true, most of the Eagles points are penalty shots from the fouls committed by the Maroons. actually, 2 Maroons graduated. and to our sad surprise, Marvin Cruz was one of them. late in the fourth quarter, mister referee called on cruz for a charging foul on one of the Eagles. this, really put down the Maroons' fans hopes of tying things up with Ateneo two minutes till the end of the game. the score board showed 89-98. kudos to the Eagles for a great play. and more power to the Maroons hoping to get a slot in the final four.

that was the event today. i may not be happy with the results but there is no point dwelling on such things. it is time to move on and lift up the spirit that we, the Maroons, can make it to the final four. but, this is still the first round. many things are bound to come. we may not see NU as a team to beat; but, hey, they may beat us.

maroon mission #3 continues next week as we battle it out with the AdU Falcons. both teams are vying for a 2-1 win-loss card. i really hope that we get this one.

LET'S PAINT THIS TOWN MAROON!

time will come, jod. it will.

2006-07-11T21:00:00.000+08:00

nice one.

i felt so stupid lately. and i was in a lazy mood today.

it all started in the morning. i woke up 6am because i knew i had an 830 class and that i move so slow. but, i went back to sleep again and woke up at 7 quarter. well, i got up fast ate some toast then went straight for the bathroom. i went out of the bathroom at a quarter to 8. i really didnt know what to do so i panicked and went hysterical. i left the house 10 minutes past 8 and i didnt expect that i would be arriving to school even before our professor comes in our classroom. you hear it right, i arrived at 8:40 and even had time to fix my hair and find my chair at the back of the class before ma'am entered the room. imagine! anyway, i still didnt get what i should be getting from physics. actually, i was sleeping the whole time. promise. i know that this shouldnt be the work of a up student but, hey, i am still human and i need sleep! excuses!

we went straight to IEClub tambayan after that. knowing that i still have some repsonsibilities to do, i totally neglected them. not that i really didnt do them, i just forgot. okay. bryan and patrcik were there. freshies. yes. hmm. and i really didnt wanted to talk to anyone at that time. so, i managed to tell them that we just start eating because i am really hungry. good thing i brought a peanut-butter and ham-and-egg sandwiches. with it, i drank iced tea [eng'g iced tea, i think, is the most flavorful iced tea in the whole of up]. gaye treated us with polvoron for making us wait for her in the math building.

geog class was not that fun either. we just discussed maps. and, because of a new suggestion we are having a geog camp instead of a fieldtrip. i think that would be exciting. but because of fiscal problems, some people argued about the expenses we would be spending. straightening things out on my mind, i just thought that if a fieldtrip would be worth 500-800 pesos, that would just be for our allowance. the food and other expenses would be on our behalf. but, the 1300-1500 peso camp would cover all expenses - food, transportation, paraphernalia for activities, EVERYTHING. there wouldnt much be a big difference between the two. AND, th fun part, the geog camp would be an overnight stay at a farm in lipa city, batangas. i just wondered, [lipa?] that would just be a 2-hour ride from manila. couldnt we go some place farther? haha. i wish. but still, we are students and some wouldnt be allowed to go if the place is too far.

no MPs10 class. sir gave us our readings. it was not as many as i expected. i could read it in two hours! hah. but, due to my extremely busy [or maybe i just made myself busy with other things] schedule, i can make it in 3-4 days. i rarely find the time i want for reading. i am still on page 120+ of living to tell the tale. and i havent finished the 102 rules of writing. i havent started on impersonal. and now, ive managed reading the first page of the new set of readings and i am wondering when i would i lay my eyes on them again.

i directly went to the tambayan. i let patag and cess get my reading because i have primers to staple and glue together. after a while, batchmates came and aske dif they can offer help. at this point in time, i woild never say no to a blessing. i gladly said, yes. bathcmates are real lifesavers. when in times of cramming, they would do some of the work for you knowing that you couldnt do it by yourself. i am so damn proud of having such very supportive batchmates.

es1 introduces a new plate. drawing an isometric drawing from multiview projections. actually, i did the plate for about an hour. but carlo tells me that some details of item no.3 were not correct. so i changed them. the SA [student assistant] distributed plate no.7 and i got a 9.0 for it [10 is the highest]. my lowest so far. i am hoping i wouldnt be going down to 8 after that plate.

i went directly to the tambayan to check if the primers are done. and, they were. but still, some of the edges wre not trimmed that the cover are so big. so i asked my batchmates if they could make the primers more presentable. and i am glad they did. after a while, we prepared the ie lecture room for the applicant's orientation and buddy bidding. i got ana[?] for a buddy and i was just happy somebody did bid for me. at least, i was not sold at ten pesos! hah.

that ended my day at school. but, i would be continuing on doing things here at home. being a director isnt easy work. who said it would be? i get to have so many responsibilities and really do them. but, at first everything seemed so easy. but really, all it takes is a sense of responsibility and some fun. you wouldnt consider doing things without fun. isnt it that the things we do most are the things we have fun doing?

the day started lazy but progressed to be productive. to do things we see as boring, we should just spice things up.

things are not the same as they were. what happened to the we-wil-sill-be-friends-and-it-will-never-change statement? anyway, i wouldnt expect more. its just things like that wont work. and i just knew it. time will come, jod. time will come.

the maroons just outgrolwed the tigers.

2006-07-09T21:03:00.000+08:00

last night's confusion/happy/blank feeling was immediately replaced by this day's very happy happening. but, i warn you that this post is full of biases. the things that happened are put in the way i wanted to see them.

today, i witnessed how we, UP, showed UST how it is to dance and play ball.

i actually think that we could have won with a larger margin if not for the short deterioration period after the half-time break. the team entered the court relaxed as the third quarter started and that is where ust used this to their advantage and level with up's score. twice in the game was UP's score ten more then UST's. it was totally a comic relief when UST tries hard to go for a three-pointer but managed to do it first time in the third quarter. that was where me and my friends laughed and said, "sige, pagbigyan naman daw." actually, the game was full of laughs. such as - ust's players should be eating beige-tables (vegetables which are colored beige), imagine they had three(?) injured players in one game. how lame could that be? i was completely overwhelmed with how one rookie, jersey number 12 (the name's martin reyes), performed today. to think that he is still a rookie, coach relied on him to do up's three-pointers. and, he really did that job very well. up's first 6-9 points lead actually was made out of his 2-3 three-pointers. i salute you, young maroon. a job well done today.

and about the half-time, it just showed who the real champion is. if you won last year's CDC, a half-time perfomance would be just a "no-sweat" performance for you. but, to tell you the turth, "ang sarap ng niluto nilang ulam!" okay, i commend them for wearing costumes. but still, costumes wouldnt really matter. its how you and your squad would be performing. the start was still okay, but when it came to the part that the guys are going to do a tumbling routine one really fat guy didnt do it well. actually, he really bounced when he fell. the other mistakes were that the dancers were not synchronized with their moves and some pyramids just failed to form.

okay, enough with ust's flaws. i know we, UP, aslo have ours. i hate UP's ball handling skills. and when marvin cruz did a fast break and the ball did not go in, i was so frustrated that instant. they made so many fouls from the first quarter on that some of ust's points came from freethrows. aww.

but i feel so damn happy.

to all those who cant take all of the things ive said especially ust peeps who read this. i have a comment tag where you can put violent reactions or just plain comments. i would be accepting any. my tagboard is also open.

peace to y'all.

survey.

2006-07-08T22:11:00.000+08:00

since i dont knowif i am either confused or happy or just plain blank. i thought of just answering a survey.

01. Your name plus "y"?
~> jody? ew.

02. Two feelings at the moment:
~> can it be three? as it is said above, confused, happy and blank

03. What are you listening to right now?
~> the television

04. A part of a song lyric that's in your mind?
~> "coz' you had a bad day..."

05. where are you right now?
~> at our house in marikina

06. The highlight of your week?
~> maybe it would be today because this is the day i've been waiting for since last year.

07. What are you craving to have right now?
~> my comfort foods, anything salty or chocolate

08. Any unforgettable childhood memory?
~> the time my prep teacher sent me home because i am so noisy in class

09. A not-so-good childhood memory?
~>

10. What are your nicknames?
~> actually my real name is jodimer, call me jod for short. [never jody or jodie. just leave it]

11. Your plans for tomorrow?
~> hmm 9am meet mps10 classmates at recto station for our trip to binondo. then go to hazel's house before going to ninoy aquino stadium. after the game, i would be going home to parañaque to print my graphs for my physics 72.1 worksheet.

12. Your plans for today?
~> the day is about to end. its just that ill be going to sleep soon.

13. Are you thinking of someone right now?
~> yeah. alam nya na siya yun.

14. Are you single?
~> yes..

16. What do you want?
~> i want to be happy always.

17. Say anything you like to whoever is reading
your answers:
~> hi. thank you for coming by my blog.

21. SQUASH.
~> sport?

22. do you miss anyone right now?
~> yes. i do.

23. Last friend you talked to online?
~> rob. woot!

24. What do you like about today?
~> UAAP's opening. and cjss.

25. If you were on a farm, what would you want
to see?
~> trees and a treehouse.

26. When you were a kid, what did you want to be
when you grew up?
~> i cant remember what i wanted.

27. Last gift?
~> gift? for me or from me? i cant remember the latest gift to me. nor can i remember my latest gift.

28. Did you like it?
~> argh.

29. What are the things you bought from it?
~> ...

30. the stand
~> is standing.

31. Your good luck charm?
~> i dont believe in these.

32. Person you hate most?
~> soime person whose name i cant write here.

33. Who makes you laugh the most?
~> friends.

34. What makes you smile?
~> many things make me smile. kahit na yung pansit sa ref napapangiti ako.

35. Who has a crush on YOU?
~> no idea.

36. Who do YOU have a crush on?
~> kilala na niya sarili niya.

regret on a busy day.

2006-07-05T20:35:00.000+08:00

okay. i am a bit rested today although i can say that i did more work today than yesterday.

anyway, i wouldnt say that this is a perfect day. it just went on as it should be with little surprises in the way. mentioning surprises here would lose hteir sentimental values to me so please bear with me. haha.

last night, when i was at parañaque, i had this talk with someone. then and there, i ranted about everything i didnt want that is happening in my life. well, conversation mays hift to different topics at a time. to make this short, i said something i didnt know if i would regret saying. actually, i am really not sure of the reaction thatw as given to me. at first, it was casual but then again, i would be so sure. so now, i dont know if i cant wait any longer. anyhow, things like that would stop life from turning. i could go on with my life even if i had to do that. and hopefully, something good is bound to come. [sighs]

i had two shakes today. one is from zagu and the other from a booth in the gym. [this week is CHK week. congrats] haha. to tell you the truth, it was both watermelon. hmm, the other i would say has mangoes in it. i really really love watermelons. actually, when sir turgo asked us to bring oour favorite fruit to class i first thought of watermelon. but, it would be so practical to bring one whole watermelon to school so i brought grapes instead. that day was the day i again ate a grape. the last time was since forever. i cant really remember. so, the things i wrote down while eating grapes were things i miss most. or the things i miss doing. or things i remember and things i can associate with grapes. damn. memories...

hmm. i really have more things to do. and some are more important than staying in front of the computer and doing nothing. i have tons of readings to read. and ES1 plate to finish. an el50 report to prepare.

anyway, to save time, i will stop stating all the things i would be doing. instead, i should be going and doing them right now. okay.

i know you miss me. i hope i do too.

...

2006-07-04T22:07:00.000+08:00

- sorry pagod lang. walang maisulat -

-

a national issue.

2006-07-02T11:05:00.000+08:00

i am really sorry.

i am not seeing you as often as i used to last summer.

things really do change for the better. but, i am not saying that blogging is not a good thing for me.

in a fast-paced world, we cannot stop, linger and think of things outside our work. in my situation, study then study and study more. a student has got to do what a student has got to do. no unnecessary internet usage. no gimmicks. no malling. maybe except after an exam where we, the students, needs a pat on the back for [maybe] passing the exam or just making it through two hours of picking what letter is the best answer to a question. anyway, my first long exams are about three weeks from now and i really really have to pay attention to physics. yes, physics. i cant understand whatever she says. she makes things more complex. i understand the book better. she murmurs and we cant hear her from the back. that is so frustrating. add to that the fact that i sit at the back of an airconditioned classroom with a comfortable seat for a chair. who wouldnt be tempted to sleep? oh well, i have to study electrcity just to make sure i pass my first long exam. argh.

anyway, i just passed our el50 group assignment. it is due 12noon today and i passed it at 11:32am. so much for cramming. actually, it is not fully my fault. it is nobody's fault to tell you the truth. i know that me and my groupmates have so much things to do and sometimes, preoccupied with things we shouldnt be thinking of - for example, crushes [tama ba ahjh? haha.]. we cannot control ourselves of being preoccupied. it just takes a lot of time to be able to control yourself of thinking about too many things then forgetting to do those of higher importance. as i usually say, it is all in the mind.

engineering freshmen night is already finished and i am happy that i am part of the team that made it happen. i needed a pat on the back for that. i was so happy when i saw sugarfree perform although we, xian and me, headed home when their fourth song was about to end. anyway, i heard them play tulog na as we were walking down acad oval heading for the katipunan terminal at balara. i felt a smile draw upon my face the moment the music struck my eardrums, knowing that this would be a sentimental night. a moment flash backed and it was the best rainy night my entire life.

talk about globalization. we were dicussing about gloablization in geography class last friday which led me to a conclusion that there is no problem about gloabalization, it is only we, the filipino people, who make our own problem with it. look, there are critics of globalization but still, they use nokia phones, eat in either burgoo or kentucky fried chicken even in mcdonalds, they sport the latest fashion trends [wearing either chucks or nike or adidas] ALL of WHICH are supporting gloabalization. my professor even asks us if we see that ANY one of them uses only filipino products, NO! they themselves contradict what they stand for.

i think that we should really put ourselves into globalization. it is a natural process that started more than centuries ago. our attitude towards progress is the only hindrance for our progression. others say they are against globalization yet tend to contradict themselves. nag-ooffer na ng tulong mapride pa rin at ayaw tanggapin. that is where the problem is. PRIDE! seeking help is not a sign of weakness, it just means you lack resources to the things you are planning to do. if we dont want our rights be abused then we should not give them reasons to abuse us. yun lang iyon.

what is hould do today [sunday] for next week:
1. try to finish gabriel garcia marquez's living to tell the tale.
2. photocopy mps10 readings. and have it ring bound.
3. buy es1 book.
4. study, study, study for physics physics physics.
5. finish worksheet for physics lab.
6. buy yellow pad.
7. prepare el50 report.
8. buy art materiald for geog.
9. review maps for geog.
10. research on maps for geog.
11. ask permission to go to freshmen night at bahay ng alumni. [tgaa-abot kasi kami ng pagkainf or the bands who will perform. woohoo.]
12. buy uaap tickets for both opening [july 8] and up game [july 9].
13. buy gift for rose's debut
14. prepare for tutor session with freshies for the first long exam in math17
15. have my relaxation
16. have geniuses of crack photocopied.
17. profile for that someone in mps10.
18. room essay for mp10.

wow. my things to do list require a lot of time, writing and money. meaning, i wouldnt be watching television [because there arent really good shows airing today because of the manny pacquiao - oscar larios fight] and surfing the internet. actually, i would be surfing the internet because i would be researching. and, i am going to parañaque. well, before i do all of these, i would try to play dancemaniax first for added happiness to keep me going. goodluck.

to end this, lalagay ko fave cheers ko!

Pagbaybay Cheer

Isigaw ng sabay-sabay ang ating pagbaybay. Hey!
U-Na-I-Ba-E-Ra-Sa-I-Da-A-Da Na-Ga Pa-I-La-I-Pa-I-Na-A-Sa

Nestle Cheer

He-To na ang UP!
Walang tatalo sa Galing!
Walang katulad sa Dating!
Hinding-hindi mapantayan!
He-To na ang UP!
(4 counts)
Humanda KA!
(2 counts)
Humanda KA!

Heto Na, Heto Na, Heto Na.

Yey. i really am hooked up. anyway, being hooked up with uaap should be at the right time and the right place. and it is on july 8, 2006 at 1pm at the araneta coliseum. okay. gotta do things i should be doing.

here it comes. cant wait.

2006-06-26T20:32:00.000+08:00

i can vividly remember the 9th of july 2005. it was a saturday and we are at a high school in Roces Ave., Q.C. for CJSS. i cant remember whatt he name is, sorry. then at lunch we were such in a hurry that i only ate No.6 (mcdonald's burger mcdo meal, go big time for both fries and softdrink). yes, that is what i order when im in a hurry. after that, we rode the mrt and took off at the 2nd station, Araneta Center - Cubao. and, that is where we are headed. it was the opneing ceremony of the UAAP and at the same time, our first game against UST Growling Tigers.

to our misfortune, there was a scarcity for tickets so we ended up being in the general admissions area. it was so high that i cant even make out a face out of anybody down at the court. anyway, we watched the ceremony through a projector on the opposite side. and after that, the game begun. i was not required to watch UAAP that time. the reason i was there is that i am a big fan of the UP Pep Squad. being there - shouting and chanting with them, made my heart burst with happiness. even if the game isn't starting yet, the crowd from the two schools cant stop themselves from having total true school spirit. biased as it may seem, i would certainly say that UP has the best spirit of all UAAP school. it's like saying Ateneo's "win or lose its the school we choose". as the competition progressed, i see UP still supporting the team even if we had a 6-8 win-loss card last season. [di ko tinignan yans a kahit anong search engine ha. alam ko lang talaga]. that first game against UST uplifted every taga-UP's heart which made everyone expect that this would be a better year - we just outgrowled the growling tigers.

that first game, made me a UAAP fan from that day on. after the finals, [which is also watched] i cant wait for another season to start. well, after placing 2nd from the previous cheerdance competition wouldnt you want another season to begin?

and now, as july 8 is nearing, my heart beats with excitement as season 69 is about to take off. i dont know if it is coincidence, UST is again our first match for the season; it is actaully on july 9 that we will first meet. will we be outgrowling them for the second time and take away those first game jitters? i hope so. i also hope that 2006 will be 1986 the repeat. [1986 is the last year UP won its basketball championship, excatly 20 years ago!] to think that there are still very good teams, notably UE, i really hope that we fight till the end. what is our name for if we will not live up to it? GO, UP FIGHT!

i just hope and pray that UP will enter final four this year after being denied twice. yes, enough of the la salle issue but still if it weren't for them we would have been in the final four, i think. i am not really sure of that.

with la salle suspended for a year, here are my final four bets: (not really in order)

University of the East Red Warriors <- the team to beat this season, i assure you
Ateneo de Manila University Blue Eagles
University of the Philippines Fighting Maroons

and for the last slot, it is either

University of Sto. Tomas Growling Tigers
Far Eastern University Tamaraws

teka, bakit walang kulay yung tamaraw ng FEU.. hmm..

that is how i see it. and still, NU is this competition's cellar-dweller. no offense meant. just pure opinion.

anyway, sometime in the past i was wondering how us [mga taga-UP] are called Fighting Maroons. actually, i was about to submit it as a theme for a concept paper in an english course, how do UP people have an abstract mascot instead of having animals or whatever. to tell you the truth, the administration considered us being called Maroons and Greens (school colors) then Parrots (the bird in that seal). i cant blame them for callign us parrots. you know well why, right? actually, maroon is a spanish word for cimarron which means wild or untamed. they were the slaves of the Spanish whent hey were in Jamaica. just read jamaica's history for more information. so, that is how we beocme the fighting marooons. we are not actually abstract but more of a brusko type of team. look, we are the fighting untamed slaves. today, that does not count because there are no more slaves (unless we count in politics). we are more than the red warriors! haha. i really am biased.

up. up. down.

2006-06-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

bloggie, im seeing less of you as weeks pass by. last week, i remember i amed approximately 4 posts. i dont know. maybe the student in me is really trying hard to keep up with the academic life here in up. i was just so relieved that the weekend is here. and i am not planning on ruining my free time with school work and extra curriculars. i just hope that this break would take out all the stress in me and help me relax.

anyway, school has been very generous. actually, i feel that this would be an ace semester. i hope that i wouldnt confident about it because i would have the tendency to slack off again. and i wouldnt want that.

life, in general, has its own ups and downs. right now, i am experiencing life at its best. i can say this because even though i feel so tired, i still manage to smile at the end of the day and thank the lord how wonderful he made the day to be. wouldnt it be fun if life stayed this way? but the only problem is, how can we improve ourselves and change how we live if we just stay on top?

imagine never having to work just to earn money? some people would say that would be better. but no, how do you expect to leanr the art of hard work and sweat if you wouldnt do anything to stay alive. there would be certain things in life you would surely miss. like the true aspect of success. you wouldnt feel success without having to work hard to achieve your goal or anything you want.

to amke the long story short, life wouldnt be as exciting as it should be when we dont experience its ups and downs. we should take all the risks we think is oppurtunity. we never come out of life alive anyway.

my language world.

2006-06-20T21:42:00.000+08:00

my EL50 class is very much advacned. imagine that we would be passing our assignments through email. well, i cant blame him because of too much paperwork. i understand him very much.

i attach here is the copy of my assignment answering the question, "how do you see yourself in the language perspective?"

P.S. EL50 is about the contribution of europe to world language. yeah, this class would be fun.

so here it is:

in my language world, i can speak 2 languages -english and filipino. i can recognize different european languages like spanish, french and italian. when i was seven, i learned italian from the seminary near our house becasue they will be having italian visitors and it is better if we also know how to speak italian. but now, i can barely talk but still remember some phrases.

actually, i think i am more literate in english because i write better in english and cans trike up a conversation speaking in english. everytime i am in a filipino lesson in school they dont teach us correct grammar and punctuation. look, they focus more on the different types of sentences but not on how to write senteces. they dont teach filipino the way they teach english. i dont even know subject-verb agreements in filipino.

in written word, i am better off in english. but inv erbal conversations, i end up speaking in filipino. but in special cases, like when im hyped or just out of my mind, i tlak to my friends in english and they respond in english.

i am very much interested in learning european languages. i think they talk fancy i it sounds good to hear. my ate actually know italian because she stayed in italy for a year. sometimes, she speaks in italian because i recognize some phrases and so does my father.

but still, i am affected more when people speak to me in filipino. when i do something bad and they would start a sermon on me, i am easily offended because they speak to me in filipino. well, they dont really speak to me in english. when my friends and i quarrel we use filipino because when we throw words at each other we know that we hurt more if it is in filipino.

in conclusion, i am better in written english because i am not taught the basics of filipino grammar. didnt they think that it should also be taught because not many filipinos know how filipino grammar really works? my interest in european languages are mainly influenced by my interest in travelling because i would love to travel to europe someday. and sice language is part of culture, i am very much interested in learning them as well.

subject well-roundedness.

2006-06-19T15:59:00.000+08:00

today. i dont know what today is. ic ant tell whether i should be happy or sad. all i know is that i didnt had any extreme feeling.

math class was way disappointing. it came to the point that me and my other classmates [except 2] are waiting for our prof in mb 328 when all along my 2 other classmates and the professor are in mb318. the class started when it was nearly 730am. to our surprise, [but more of disappointment] the class ended before it was quarter to eight! grabe, wala pang ten minutes. well, i can tell that she really is busy. but, why take a class when you know you have work to do. i wouldnt want us to be late for our lessons. maybe, she would just make up for all the missed lessons. anyway, we only had two meetings. and i bet the course wouldnt be that long unlike 53 and 54.

lately, [rather a while earlier] i just realized what my classes are. i took geog1 mainly because i am interested in geography. and, as ma'am puts it, we would study about how geography affects lives and cultures of different people. i really like how it sounds and i am very interested in it. another, EL50, so much for being desperate on getting a ge. earlier, sir discussed what EL50 is all about and it covers the course on europe and its contribution to world language. he then asks us a question on how do we see on the language perspective. truthfully, i would say that i am much literate in writing in english than in tagalog. it seems like, it is a disvory of one's self. sabi nga niya, hindi ito trabaho, personalan to. EL50 also discusses on effects of colonization on language. and he said that we would understand the world better if we start with ourselves. Lastly, MPs10, another subject i most need. i know i need to improve my filipino writing skills. and what better way to start is by enrolling in this course. he makes us read "living to tell the tale" by gabriel garcia marquez and think on how he made his novels. he said that words aren't enough, we need proper inspiration to really make a work of art.

i would definitely say that things happen for a purpose. and this sem i figured out how the previous statement works out. by just looking at my subjects, i see a realization, an improvement and happiness. i was given geog1 because i love it. i was given EL50 because we need to realize things. i was given MPs10 because i need improvement. so far, this is the most well-rounded sem i ever had. i think these things would keep me going and strive hard.

ok. that's all for now, i just wnated to share on what i realized. got an ES1 class to prepare for tomorrow.

wah?

2006-06-18T20:56:00.000+08:00

hey. this is my first assignment in MPs10. i really hope this would be graded fairly. i expect a lot of grammatical errors and misleading sentences. wala kasi akong talent. at hindi ko memorize ang balarilang tagalog. so, i really wish my writing would improve. i am very open to learning new things and accept my mistakes. that is another thing i really like about myself.

so here it goes:

Jodimer C. Gozum

2005 – 21309

Ang pinakaayaw ko sa sarili ko ay ang aking mga makamundong pagnanasa. Aminin man natin o hindi, totoo naman na halos lahat ng tao ngayon ay inaasam ang magaandang buhay nang dahil sa pera. At hindi ko ikakaila na isa ako sa mga taong gustong magtrabaho upang kumita ng malaking halaga upang masabi na maayos na ang buhay ko. Minsan nga, kapag may nakikita akong may mga kotse naiisip ko na magkakaroon din ako ng ganoon. Tila bang pera na ang sukatan ng pagkakaroon ng maayos na buhay. Ayoko mang isiping nangyayari ito sa akin pero ang masasabi ko lang na tao lang naman akong nag-aasam ng maayos na buhay. Kaya lang, hindi ko pa natututunan na hindi lang pera ang sukatan ng pagkakaroon ng maayos na buhay.

Sa kabilang banda, masasabi ko namang maipagmamalaki ko ang pinakagusto ko sa sarili ko. Kung sasabihin sa Ingles, ako ay isang optimistic na tao. Optimistic, ito ang tao na sa kabila ng mga problema ay nagagawa pang tumawa at tingnan ang mas kaayaayang bahagi ng buhay. Minsan nga ay tinatanong nila ako kung hindi daw ba ako nagkakaproblema. Ang sinasagot ko na lang ay lahat ng tao ay nagkakaproblema at nasa pagdadala lang ng mga problema nagkakaiba. Natutuwa na rin ako at may ganito akong katangian. Sa ganitong paraan, hindi ako napipigilan ng aking mga problema upang gawin ang iba pang bagay.

Kahit pagbalikbaliktarin ang mundo, hindi ko maiiwasang mag-isip tungkol sa aking mga makamundong ninanais, kasabay nito ay ang katotohanang hindi sila ganoon kadaling makuha. Ganoon pa man, nariyan pa rin ang aking pagka-optimistic na nagsasabing hindi rin magtatagal at makakamit ko rin ang aking mga pangarap. Sa kabila ng lahat ng komplikasyon at mga bagay na gumugulo sa aking isip, masaya ako sa buhay ko dahil wala naming dahilan upang hindi maging masaya.

that's it. i hope you learn something from me and comments are whole-heartedly accepted. may it be gramatical or just a plain comment.

in spite of everything.

2006-06-18T18:52:00.000+08:00

dear bloggie. [wala ko maisip na umpisa e.]

i came home at 11pm last night and my mind wandered about the party ive been too. yes, it was fun but certainly it is not something worth looking back to. so, i headed towards the ktichen and found that there were nothing to eat. i ws really disappointed so i decided to drink a glass of water rather than knick a zesto from ate shiela's stock. at least i amde the better choice. as i was alone that time, i brushe dmy teeth and washed my face. i went directly to my room, closed the lights and seven minutes later, fell asleep. [an average person falls asleep in an average of seven minutes] i thought, i wish that tomorrow would be one hack of a day.

i woke up at 7am because of a very high-pitched shrilly voice coming from my aunt. because of exhaustion from last night's party, i found it hard to wake up. but, realized how important this day should be. so i ate two piece of bread and took my bath. i would confess, i fell asleep during the priest's homily at mass. i know it is bad, but i dont do it everytime. i was just so tired. sorry! anyway, after the mass i headed to the seminary to do all the stuff i should do so that when i leave for parañaque they wouldnt bother me with things i forgot to do. i was damn excited to go to parañaque because once again, our family would be complete. well, except for my eldest sister.

and since i am so happy, i would tell you very much of my father, Marcelino Caoleng Gozum. i dont really speak of him that much. because as we all know, i didnt live with my paretns since i was 2 or 3 years old. although, i dont spend that much time with him, i make sure that every time we are together are moments i would be cherishing forever. we really are not that close. we dont have the usual father and son relationship. its like i never had my father but still, i know i have one.

my father never let me feel i never had one. yes, since i lived with my aunt for more than three-fourths my age, i never expereinced how it was to be cared for by a father. yet, whenever we are together, he knows how to make it up for me. and now that im 17, i really dont know how it would be without him. its like his physical presence is not there but i feel it i my blood that he is there.

he is the best father a struggling kid would have. when the time there was a family problem, he never let my ate feel down. he was there. he calmly tried to put things in order although we know that everything is out of our hands.

he knows the right time to be wacky and when to be not. i really like it when my father dances around. haha. i would really miss his very sleek moves. he knows how to have fun. kahit kanina, he was even interested with dancemaniax! grabe, hindi ko naiisip na other fathers would be interested in today's arcade games. public pa yon ha! but, there are times na it is better to be serious than funny. and he really know that. he feels when we are down kahit nakasmile kaming magkakapatid.

he respects us for what we are and for what we want. he never discouraged us for our dreams and aspirations. he says that if its for the better, ok lang sa kanya. i already told him about my plans with PBB, he even said it is okay. tinawanan pa nga ako e. he is always ready to see the brighter side of things and i think, yun ang namana ko sa kanya.

he loves reading. matalino din tatay ko. he read lots of books and reading anything he can get knowledge from. biruin mo, adik na rin sa interent. he always visits the cnn site and other catholic websites for more information. another thing i like about him is that he is always hungry for knowledge. kahit na he is already 54 years old, he knows that he doesnt know everything. but, as much as i am concerned, he knows everything about how being a father is.

he sets a good example for us. he is a dead-straight catholic. but, he never intervenes with what we should think about our religion. not unlkike other "sarado katoliko" he didnt discourage us about reading the da vinci code. talk about open-mindedness! once, he was a chain smoker. he could smoke 2 packs a day. but now, he only smokes only occassionally. konting pilit lang pala at konsensya. siguro naisip niya an we really care about him nung kinukulit namin siya about quitting. for me, he is the ebst example of a person who puts our lord in the center of his life.

yes, that is my father. i never told him how important he is to me. but, i bet he already know that. he knows things about us we never tell him and he knows how and what we feel in certain situations. i really love him eventhough i only spend little time with him.

Mar Gozum - a good husband, a loving father, a great cook [kapampangan kasi!], a groovemaster, a wacky friend, an intelligent adviser, a true foundation, a strong catholic, a bookworm, an inspiration.

pop, i love you.

lfe's surprises

2006-06-16T17:29:00.000+08:00

the day ends well with me being able to get an ES1 class. and, to include in the surprise it is on the same time as the Es1 class i enlisted. [yung nawala sa akin. wah.] anyway, i was just so happy about not having to take 4 es classes next sem. but, i really dont have to take all of those classes at the same time; but since i am currently following the flowchart, i should.

the days ends happy so it may have had a happy beginning. actually, it has. this morning, im was so excited about going to school. i wondered why. i didnt come to a conclusion though and just let the feeling pass. i thought that this would be a very awful day but i was dumbfounded when certain things happened. one, when there was a frat war outside our geog1 classroom. it was when we were taking the diagnostic test. [yung tipong sinabi ni ma'am na mas maganda na mababa yung makuha para sa end ng sem siguradong may improvement] we suddenly heard police whistles and a very loud shout saying the words, "p*tang Ina yang gag*ng yan e." well, our proctor made the best of the moment and acted as if he was scared by telling the person near the door to lock it. it was a very funny moment since everybody said that we should finish the test and watch the frat war. i, too, was excited to see a frat war although it would not really uplift my moral character but because it is part of UP life. i once heard that you still wouldnt feel belongingness to UP unless you witness one. but to me, i was just happy hearing without having to witness it.

the next profound moment was MPs10 class with friend nelson. i called him friend nelson because he said that in that class we were supposed to be friends. to tell you the truth, he was very frank about what he is and what he wants. i like him [walang malisya to ha. hehe] and his personality mainly because he is one true person. he is really funny too. he doesnt project the terror teacher upperclassmen says he is. maybe, he is coined as a terror teacher because of the way he criticizes his students work. i mean, why would his students submit such dumb when when they have a teacher like him. anyway, the meeting today inspired me on making the best out of this course. also, i dont want to be handed a singko classcard and some lubid. [lubid kasi sabi niya yung mga sinisingko niya yung mga wala na talagang pag-asa. mas maganda na daw mamatay para makatulong na rin sa population at poverty.] hay.

ang now, i have to practice writing in filipino/tagalog. so, when i blog i should try to blog in tagalog. therefore, it gives me enough practice for malikhaing pagsulat. haha.

nagulat ako kanina kasi ang unang pinapagawa sa amin ni sir nelson ay ang gumawa ng essay tungkol sa mga pinakagusto at pinakaayaw namin sa aming mga sarili. [tama na kaya yang sentence ko? mukhang maxadong mahaba e.] habang sinasabi niya ito, naiisip ko na kaagad kung ano ang maaari kong isulat. [nahihirapan ako]

ok. when he was dictatiung this assignment, i am already figuring out what i would be writing. then again, i am having a hard time expressing myself in filipino. [look at above paragraph] and yes, i now have my topic. the only problem i've got is [aside form not fully expressing myself in filipino] that the printer is in parañaque. does that mean i have to go there just to print my assignment? OWMEN! well, we just have to figure out how this would work to my advantage. hmm. [thinking, kuno.]

i was so happy because to get into the es class by prerog you have undergo a process called draw lots using ids. since i have no id, i asked patag [a blockmate, siya ung netizen ng cainta] if i can borrow her video city card since it is of the same size as our school id. when the proces started, i really didnt have enough hope that i would be called but after the first id was drawn then came out the video city card. napa-OMG talaga ako. i was never lucky in draw lots.

today really showed me one of life's cliches - life is full of surprises. from my mps10 prof to me being able to get an es class are proofs of life's very surprising nature. another, we should never lose hope. everything that happens to us are all in our minds.

failing is no option and that it is only a step away from success. we should never lose hope and look at the ideal side of things although we can never have ideal lives nor ideal selves. but, there are fruits when you dream and strive for perfection. my ind is open to the fact that ill never be the best at everything i do but when i do everything i can do, surely i would have the best.

first day. happy day.

2006-06-13T19:40:00.000+08:00

"nasasabik sa unang araw nang eskwela.."

yeah. that song was my choice for the song for the day category. imagine me singing this in the bathroom while actually doing the actions. i am as excited as a freshman. i dont know. maybe, starting another year in up sounds so exciting or being a sophomore and actually seeing freshmen makes it a lot more exciting.

today is the first day of classes. iu have physics at 830. the teacher is pretty. super! hindi lang siya naayusan pero pretty talaga. rosy cheeks pa. anyway, it was just disappointing to know that we were about to sit alphabetically. actually, i have no problem with that because to my right is rheen [go is her surname, and she is a volleyball and eng11 classmate] and to the left is anjelyn [guanlao is her surname, a badminton and physics 71 classmate]. really, i was just happy. it when i asked rheena if ma'am singidas is really pretty. she said, yes. and ooh, this is one fun physics class.

then, we went to math bldg to do our memcom responsibilities - to make friends with IE freshmen. it is to pau's advantage becasue amth is her next class. about me, i have breaks at 10-1130 everyday. so, i also have no problem with that. i met three [or four] freshmen. i cant rememeber their names though. it is only red [the little one] and patrick [the english speaking one] that i remembered. oh it sucked. well, it was one happy impression that i made. it was real funny. i asked them, "so, bakit kayo nag IE? sabi ba ng parents mo? dapat hindi nyo sinusunod parents nyo!" and things like that. they just laughed maybe thinking, "what the heck is this person saying?!" haha.

next, i have geography. at first, we have to wait outside because the door is locked. when they said that it is already open, we were surprised to see a sall cramped airconditioned room. i didnt come out sweaty though. anyway, geog1 was fun. this is where i really met all my classmates because our professor made us do the activity "introduce yourself" but this time, we will only state our nickname, college and a one-word adjective to describe ourselves. after the class finished doing so, she asked us if we had questions. i raised my hand and asked, "ma'am ano pangalan nyo?", that time i was real lucky and she gave me 3 points in recitation for just asking that question and answered, "im iona lacson". what a cool name! hehe. fun.

after geog the rain started to pour. when i say pour, it really poured. we decided to just go and fight it even though we [four of us] have only one umbrella. you know it is still better than none. when we reached CAL, my back was really wet. although hindi halata kasi nakawhite ako nun. we headed for the fourth floor and assumed that our professor would be already there. to our disappointment he was not there and an hour later, still hasn't shown up. we then headed to eng'g to prerog and also, help with our memcom responsibilities.

thay said that ES classes would start until thursday because there wouldnt be professors to teach yet. so, it is only on friday before we can tell if we will be taking es1 or not. so, i helped with making the organizer/planner for the frieshies. after 2 hours of talking and chatting with other clubbers, claire [memcome vp] asked us to go to the university theatre because the freshmen assembly would be near its end. grabe, paglabas nung freshmen sa univ theatre parang airport. actually it was fun. screaming block numbers and asking every freshman what their course and block is. in the end, i dont know how many of them were in the tambayan.

yes, we directed them to the tambayan. may carpool naman e. we handled two blocks G-21 and G-22. the bigger one is the latter. and met ernest [spelling?], we guessed he is somewhat alone so we talked to him all the way. it is sad to see people being alone on their first day in college. although hindi ako nag-isa [kasama ko nun si ate bels, nilibre pa ko sa rodic's! haha].

aww. the freshmen. it was a nice day for me. and today, i am officially a sophomore or a part of the 05's [ow-fives]. and as i can see, i have many things to say to the freshmen:

1. dont be shy. it is often dvisable to speak your mind. ok lang na magtanong kung di mo alam.
2. try as you may na makisocialize sa blockmates, sila makakasama mo buong buhay mo sa up.
3. smile naman! napakaseryoso.

un lang. i dont remember being shy when it was my first day in college. unang meeting pa lang ng math, maingay na ko. edgar was asking me that question earlier, "anong feeling na ikaw na ang naghihintay dito para sa freshmen?". i answered that i was both happy and sad. happy, because it was my turn to do things for them. sad, because of some memories my freshmen days brought to me.

happiness and being a winner!

2006-06-12T19:52:00.000+08:00

today, when i woke up, i said to myself that this should be a happy day. and that no matter what happens, i should stay happy. true, because after a neck-breaking series of household chores, i still managed to be happy and not complain about anything. also, after watching feu and adu lose to ssc and dlsu respectively, i still went home with a smile. yes, i now realize that when you want to do something, you must stick with it. no matter what happens, you should stick with what you believed in.

i cant really think of something to blog because my mind wanders on how tomorrow will be. but, this leads to a description of what a winner should be.

WINNER - a winner thinks about the problems of today today and the problems of tomorrow tomorrow.

so, i should not be thinking of tomorrow too much and what kind of day it will be. i should be focusing on what is happening to me today. well, i dont have much to think about for the day is about to end. and i am planning on sleeping early; but, due to excitement i know that sleeping would be a problem. haha.

anyway, these past few days ive been reading lots of books. mainly, to take my mind of things and to lessen my stress level. then, i encountered this book entitled, "Over the Edge". It is all about winnning and what winners are like. i have been trying to apply it on my life but still cant find situations wherein i can apply them. maybe, when school starts i would try my best to become the winner i should be. because i know, last year, i have been a very lousy student. yes, i am not myself.

i know, everyone of us has the right to be winners. but, as winners we should have something to believe in and goals to achieve. we can never be winners if we just live day by day. no wonder some people never progress. the only thing in their mind is to survive the day. winners dont think like that, they have things they want to achieve and try their best in achieving them. [cheating is not one of the optionss, of course]

if everybody would want to be a winner himself, he should not only think of himself but of others too. winners dont want to win their prizes for themselves but they have people they want to offer it to. as for me, i would offer my being a winner to my parents because that is all i can give to them in exchange of 17 years of love.

well, i think, if we would be a country of winners, wouldnt life be wonderful? no more people who pull other people down. mas masaya ang pilipinas.

yes, i know. i am, again, being idealistic. no wonder i expect too much from this country. well, i still love this country in spite of us being 4th most corrupt in the whole world. we still have hope if everybody would be winners.

please, for our country.

2006-06-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

maybe, just maybe, i am a little disappointed today. i felt like i am an unemployed searching for companies who would hire me. up, as they say, is real life crammed intoone big 400-hecater campus. true for those students who have a hard time walking from building to building under the hot sun just to find subjects so as not to be underloaded. i, for myself needed 4 more subjects after the pre-enlistment period; but, after a whole three days of enrollment, i go home lacking one.

i sometimes ask myself why do other people have a priority? is it becasue they are freshmen? no, my questions are not out of bitterness because i didnt get ES1. isnt it that up is supposed to be the democratic school that it should be? or is it just, up is lacking its own manpower because one reason they told us is that there aren't enough professors to teach the subject. then, why the hell did they have to put ES1 in the same semester as other first year students are taking it? all i can say is, it is all about bad management. it's in efficiency in curriculum making. uh. so bad. tsktsk.

well, it is in the teacher's prerogative that i lay my faith unto. there is but one chance that i can get my subject. as i've said, the teacher's prerogative it is. so please, please.

anyway, while i was washing the dishes something came out of my mind. it was an essay i made for eng10 last year. it was an assignment and contained the question, "if you were one thing, what would it be and why?". i answered that i would want to be money. because, as we all know it is what makes the world go round today. and after i passed that, my professor commended me for my straightforward answer. i really didnt want to answer money that time because what was on my mind was abstract. also, with money, i can think of a thousand reasons why.

actually, what i wanted to say was that the philippines need a change of image. as i was browsing through books at national bookstore in front of ateneo, i saw this intriguing book title "What Every Filipino Must Do" [is that it? it may not be the exact title but that is the thought of it] i flipped to the page where it stated the first thing, obey traffic rules. i agreed to that, we, filipinos, are so ignorant of traffic rules. but, if we cant even abide by simple traffic rules, how much more if we are given bigger tasks? magrereklamo kayo na sobrang traffic pero sa sarili niyo hindi kayo sumusond sa mga traffic rules! pakshet naman.

look, on my way to school, i always see people who disobey traffic rules. in marikina, i have no problem, traffic seems to be very moderate and there no people crossing the street whenever it seems to be not the perfect time for crossing the street. [note, they cross on pedestrians. mahiya naman yung iba jan!]. but when i reach katipunan-balara. so many people cross the street whenever they want. and the thing is, the MMDA people dont even mind them! the hell. arent they supposed the one implementing those rules? what is wrong with our country? why are we full of procrastinators and why are our countrymen pretending to be caring for the Philippines yet, simple traffic rules are out of their vocabulary? why do they dam care about gloria cheating while they do their own share of unaaceptable behavior?

in the end, i thought, what would be better - a wealthy country full of people ignorant of simple traffic rules or a law-abiding not-so-rich country? as for me, id better pick the latter. it means no trouble, less hassle and an organized and better flow of traffic.

grabe, simpleng bagay lang ang traffic rules, maawa tayo sa bansa natin. simple lang hinihingi ko - hindi ako nagrereklamo sa taas ng bilihin. please lang, patunayan natin na hindi porket mahirap tayong bansa wala na tayong disiplina.

for the love of life.

2006-06-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

well, in comparison to yesterday's work, today is very much more [exaggerated to!] productive. i got a cwts class and another ge. and, i got the ge i wanted to have this sem, EL50. EL50 is about europe -its variety of cultures and how they contributed to world civilization. ive always loved europe. i am planning to visit it in the not so far future.

there are so many "i hopes" today. the day has been tiring. add to that the fact of not being able to have one of the more important subjects this semester. although ES1 is not a prerequisite of any IE major subject, still it is THAT important.

i feel so lusaw today. i want rest. but sad it may seem, my day wouldnt be complete without me blogging. so here i am. nothing to do. type.type.type.

ok so bern knows my secret. the hell do i care. actually, it was my fault. i told her. and now, i am thinking that why i ever did that. i dont regret it though. the least i can do is to stay away from joking about things too much. haha. ang hirap tuloy alaskahin si bern ngaun. weh. it is of my best interest to make bern mad everyday. haha. and now, the things thatmakes me happy is all goodbye. wah. haha.

i think that i should lighten up. my posts are either too dramatic or maxadong madrama. haha. the thing is, when i feel writing about something. i write about that something. and, talking about writing, is hould practice my balarila [grammar] in tagalog. having MPs10 would really help me in the future. i know it is going to be hard as it may seem; plus, having turgo as your professor may be a bit too extreme. i dont want to think about those now because from this day on i am planning to improve my grades this semester. and, to try my best to be a CS or US. [asa naman dun sa US] the reason of which, i am planning on taking double majors. it is that or ateneo after graduating form ie. might as well try my luck now rather than wait for a whole 4 or so years before taking up psych. good luck!

there is a dlsu-adu volleyball match this monday and im planning to watch it. if someone is interested in watching it too, live of course, you can tell me and we can watch it together. haha. sa blue eagle gym lang naman e. please?!

it was a bad turn of events to the falcon's side because as i saw the game on tv earlier, they lost to NCAA volleyball champs SSC. aw. i was rooting for AdU by the way. hmm. i can say i love both AdU and FEU teams.

teka, may tanong ako, anu ginagawa ni jessica soho sa skul kanina?

a true virtue

2006-06-07T20:45:00.000+08:00

i dont know what is with me today. hindi ko narinig sarili ko magreklamo about household chores. haha. even though i was out the whole day [damn registration day, very unproductive] i am still expected to do them as i come home. tita is out, she is at new manila and tito is still not home. so, i by the time tito comes home i should have cleaned the house, cooked dinner and see to it that there are no dog litter inside the house. and oh, i cant believe that i was holding the walis after i changed clothes. and after that, i was so shocked that i didnt even hesitate on what i am going to cook for dinner. i didnt text friends on what am i going to do with pieces of chopped chicken! haha. anyway, i havent eaten friend chicken for a while so i decided that i would be deep frying chicken. after putting some these and thats, i was done.

by the time tito arrived, i was preparing dinner. it was the first time [in months] he didnt rant about me just watching tv or using the computer or sleeping. well, that is what i am famous for here at home. they always brag about me being lazy here at home.

well, at first i thought i was hopeless. id be this way forever and ever. but no, my idealistic self just would agree to the fact that i am really lazy. it asks me why am i like this? and why do i want overnight changes? this leads me to the conclusion that we cannot really tell when or where we can be what we want to be. it is all a process called waiting be and being determined on changing. i, for the past 3 years or so, have been trying so hard to change my ways. to change my attitued of just thinking about myself. responsibility changes in due time. we all just have to wait.

i realized today that being patient is a great virtue. true, there is no harm in hurrying things up but it is better to live in the pace given to you. you may not know but hurrying up may also mean missing all the great things life has to offer.

the life full of pretensions.

2006-06-06T22:28:00.000+08:00

since nothing profound happened to me today, other than looking for a pair of slippers sa bayan ng marikina, i have nothing to blog about. well, i just thought maybe i'd post things that are worth noting about me -my ways, habits, or whatever there is about me. haha.

~ im a certified sleepyhead [ang pagiging sleepyhead ngaun ay kailangan ng certificate at kelangang kunin sa pamamagitan ng sleepyhead course.] i sleep for almost 8-9 hours a day. and when i dont get that enough sleep i wont wake up. or, hindi ako babangon sa aking higaan.

~ truly addicted ako sa pbb. whetever edition it may be. season one, or celeb edition or teen edition. exciting lang kasi when you try to imagine yourself doing what they are doing.

~ mahilig akos a lvoe songs kahit na wala akong lovelife. [promise, since birth pO!] haha. kaya minsan nagugulat na lang friends ko na i sing love songs. [at feel na feel pa!]

~ i have my own mood swings. pero, my definite pattern yan. its for me to know and for you to find out. we may be having laugh trips now but have a verys erious conversation later or both. haha.

~ i love eating chocolates. sweet tooth kung baga. kaya eto, parang every month nasa dentist. argh.

~ my two greatest fears are God and those other dentists [other dentists kasi i dont fear one, ung pinsan ko]. kasi when i was younger they would always say that magaan ung kamay nung dentista, pero when the operation comes biglang parang buong bibig ko yung tinatanggal. after that, i dont trust others anymore.

~ i have a daily concert. [sa banyo.]

~ friendly akong tao. but when we first meet, hindi halata. some people say that im a complete snob when they see me but frequent acquaintance would lead to a very great friendship. haha.

~ some say im a picture whore. when the camera is there, pose kagad. nahawa lang ako sa inyo e!

~ blogger. obvious naman diba?

~ when depressed or not in a happy mood, kaya kong tunggain ang 1.5 coke. bad for my health at caffeine rush pa. anyway, i drown myself with lots of water afterwards.

~ when i lvoe doing something, i do it no matter how hectic my schedule may be. kaya kahit may pasok na, expect me to blog. haha. not regularly though.

~ i am very patient. tignan mo, almost 17 years na kong naghihintay for that one true love. [drama.] pero, i let love find me not the other way around. masaya kasi na marealize mo na nagmahalan kayo na it just happened. hindi yung, you wanted it to happen.

~ i am sooper idealistic. everything i think about are the most ideal things to happen. kahit ang bansa na to, para sa akin may pag-asa pa. at si gloria, walang kasalanan. [peace. pero, totoo.]

-------------------------------------------------------

one time, when i am alone i thought of heartbreaking things in the past. i remember highschool. there was one instance that i didnt know why they laughed at me. look, im not the person who dance in corridors or sing in the hallways, i am just myself during those times. i dont pretend im an astig or whatever. there was one statement that i had in mind.

"the people who are true to theirselves are being laughed at or mocked; this is the reson why there are many pretenders lying around."

sad as it may seem, i find this statement true. look, one example is mich's [pbbce housemate] way of clothing. some people make fun of her clothing ebcause it is truly out of their worlds. what i can just do is to accept how she dresses because that is how she is. we should accept each other's abnormalities because it is what we are. that is how we are created.

also, why cant otehr people accept the way they are? why should they talk, dress or act fancy when they are not. obviously, to look as if they belong to some other social class. i cant see why other should do that? dont they feel loved that they need to change everything for others to notice them? argh.

anyway, i cant let these things happen. no, im not superman or whoever superhero but there is one thing i can do. i would just start with myself. i cant see why i should be inihibited of acting myself. this is me. and they cant do anything to change that fact.

argh. im not losing hope. im starting my own ACT YOURSELF BE YOURSELF LOVE YOURSELF MOVEMENT.

[i think that is what pretenders lack. love of self. and acceptance of who they are. matamaan kayo! as if madaming nagbabasa nito.]

all about birthdays and school.

2006-06-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

i got my first taste of an alcoholic drink tonight. [no, aside from the 70% ethyl alcohol that was part of a dare last field. and no, it is not beer.] we drank maria carla [?]. it is much more like mompo - a priest's wine. so, its no harm done. anyway, its not bad for health. actually, drinking wine OCCASSIONALLY is good for the body. the only problem is, there are those people who abuses the use of wine. or for that fact, any alcoholic drink.

i am really sorry i was not able to blog for the last two days. last saturday was pinoy big brother's big night and [the addict in me was released] i needed to watch that. it ended at almost 11pm. due to the fact that i was in paranaque and i needed to catch a 730am mass in marikina, i just figured out that i needed rest because i usually sleep for 8-9 hours and i wake up on the wrong side of the bed when i dont get my usual hours of sleep. so there, i slept; but, the feeling of not blogging was still with me and caused me so muhc pain that i only slept for 3 hours! [yes, blogging is very near to my heart now. no, since i was high school.] the next day - sunday, i was still not able to blog because i was in marikina. and in marikina, i get to play ragnarok. woohoo. [yes,the addict in me was again released] i played till what? 12 midnight. knowing that i would be going to school the next day to porcess my id, i slept; though, the feeling that you have to miss blogging again was there, it didnt bother me that after a short span of time i was snoring my way till the next day.

and today, i spent myd ay out of the house. well, for about 3 hours i was sleeping. i woke up early, just to make in time for the cahier's officve to open. but, having forgotten how to process your id, i didnt remember that a form5 was needed to pay. so, i and rose [rose by the way is a highschool friend who also study at up] went to melchor [eng'g bldg] to get a copy of my summer form5. then, we went back to sc [shopping center] to pay for the fee. and it costedme a hundred and thirty pesos! lecheng mahal ng id na yan. to have my own copy of my form5 i had it photocpoied then went back to eng'g ang have my xerox copy certified. now, we went to AS [palma hall]for rose to get her 2nd sem classcards. haha. we explored fc [faculty center] the whole time and had my legs ache. anyway, it was fun and i really remembered which departments are in which floors.i thought that the thing we are doing has a great impact towards our future. note, that we already know where to go when we need to get our classcards. and that we know where the office of our professors are located. then, we went to registrar's office for me to have my id. this is where the bad part is. the bad news is that i need to be enrolled for them to process my id. i said that i was enrolled last summer, the thing is that summer classes were finished way back may23. so, thay need to see my current form5 [1st sem form5] so that they would be able to determine that i really was enrolled. so there, the trip was not very productive. it was fun when i and rose headed towards national bookstore katipunan and saw a bunch of gay ateneans. we could resist laughing at how they act and how they talked. yes, it was a bad thing. but when you see them, wouldnt you? i know that is a very judgemental thing to do; but still, there are words like first impressions.

later this afternoon, i was scheduled to have a volleyball game with my highschool classmates. well, that was just a reason for karen and i to meet up. because, ann's [karen's sister who studies at st.scho] up admission form is with me. karen asked me if i can get a form for her sister. then, i asked her why she wouldnt let me give the form to her sister in st.scho because st.scho is jsust a short walk from our house. and yes, she said that she wanted to meet me and play along with our other high school kada. i certainly agreed, bacause i too miss my hs classmates so much. then, she said that we meet at the sports park at 4. the ounctual me suddenly took place but i thought i was late [i was having my siesta and i planned to wake up at 310pm but suddenly realized it was already quarter to 4.].when i got there, i didnt see any familiar face. the hitch, i was the first one to arrive. then came katzen. [note: it was already 5 when he came. meaning, i was standing there for almost an hour.] so, my hot-headed self took place and got angry but self-control was better that i just explained to myself that i really miss them that is why i didint expect anybody to be late. there, they came and we played. and, i have my new volleyball. we needed to buy one in the spur of the moment because bene's ball has a hole.

after playing, i went straight to the novitiate house for the birthday kainan of our beloved priest. haha. as usual, i was so fed up. i had pancit, then ginataan and ice cream. the thing is, our priest requested that we drink wine. i immediatly thought, oh no. but, i said to myself that i would soon be drinking wine during business meetings. so i'd better practice drinking it now. also, i remembered that wine is actually good for the body but not in very large quantities. so there, i drank it. it tasted mostly of grapes becasue it IS made of grapes.

early this morning, i was asking myself, why am i blogging? what, for me, is my real purpose of blogging? i quickly thought of an excuse that i have nothing to do. but, looking at my world, i have so many responsibilities -cleaning the house, church activities, academics. so, that excuse was not valid. second, i thought that maybe i just needed a thing wherein i can put all my thoughts or just anything. and, yes i agreed with the idea. because at home, i rarely talk about what happened to me that day. i just talk when they ask and when my sister and i have a laugh trip. and yes, i talk when nagrereklamo ako at may pinapagwa sa akin. [haha, ang tamad ko tlga oo.] blogging is like your friend whom you can talk to and just expect him to listen. at, hindi ka sasabihang tanga ka. well, aside from God this is where i put all my emotions. hindi ko naman kasi pwedeng sabihin sa tita ko na leche siya. [example lang un ha] and after i blog, all my feelings are drained and i just forget them. its just fun to read what has happened with your life. to check if you have progressed or has depreciated your own value. its fulfilling to see that you have learned new things from everyday life experiences. eto kasi ung thing na pwede mong ilabas ang lahat ng gusto mong sabihin ng walang nagsasabi na ang samasama mong bata ka. kasi those who read this doesnt know me. thay cant tell whether i was right or wrong. basta yun na un. parang blog-diary. a blog is a diary; only, it is for the public to read.

ate really got me excited when she told me that she would want to prepare a big celebration for my 21st birthday. she said that on the year of my 21st birthday is the year i graduate from college. [hopefully no delays!] parang debut ba! hehe. i hope that it wouldnt be as glamorous as a woman's debut. i want it all to be simple yet unforgettable. all with the people who molded me to be what i am today. haha. anyway, i would still have it 3 years in the making. i should be focusing myself on studying now so that it would be a come true. haha.

many poeple are excited for classes to start. mostly, college freshmen. although i am a sophomore already, i am also excited for june13 to come. haha. i really love my school, i am so addicted to it. i wouldnt want any other school other than up. except for ateneo wher ei would be taking my psychology degree. but i could sense that i could never love ateneo the way i love up because ateneo gives you the ideal atmosphere for studying. up, on the other hand, gives you an atmosphere that is much like the real-world. other than that, i can see that the students form the two schools are so different. basta, you'll see what i mean. yung iba, siguro nga alam na kung ano ibig kong sabihin. basta, hindi ganun kasaya ang mga tao sa ateneo.
-sinulat ko to, bawal umapila. but comments are really appreciated.

anyway, the ateneo thing on this blog is true. based on logical thinking [i hope, haha.] and feelings. because, i really blog about what i am thinking as of the moment and what i feel to blog about. haha. more like brain-heart type of blogging. basta, ganun un. mahirap magexplain.

some blogthings.

2006-06-03T18:40:00.000+08:00

Your Power Color Is Magenta

At Your Highest:

You energize yourself and push others to suceed.

At Your Lowest:

You feel frustrated and totally overwhelmed.

In Love:

You are suprised by who you attract. You're a love magnet.

How You're Attractive:

Open and free spirited, people want to explore the world with you.

Your Eternal Question:

"What is my next source of inspiration?"

What's Your Power Color?

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger.
You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause.
You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you!
A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's Your Blogging Personality?

You Are The High Priestess

You represent mystery - secrets that are yet to be revealed.
You find yourself sitting between two worlds: one dark, one light.
You tend to hold these two worlds in balance, reconciling the two.
Open and welcoming, you invite others to learn your secrets.

Your fortune:

Something hidden, or latent, in your life is about to come forward.
You need to pay more attention to your dreams, thoughts, intuition, and imagination.
And if that involves tapping into your dark side, it will all balance out in the end.
You have a lot of potential dying to be unleashed, so let those gates open!

What Tarot Card Are You?

all those test, i believe, are true. lalo na ung last ung tarot card. i believe it. i know i have a lot of potential yet does not have enough courage to unleash them. haha.

tonight is the night.

2006-06-03T18:03:00.000+08:00

im blogging early because i predict that i will not be able to blog later this evening till early morning. the reasons behind im doing this early is that pbb's big night is tonight and i have to watch that; also, i have to wake early the enxt day bacause i have a 730 mass to attend. no, i dont attend the mass because someone is making "pilit". haha. i felt conyo the way i made my sentence. haha. maybe i should take that back.

hm. tonight is the night four teens have been waiting since their entry last april 23. [whadda? pati day nung pagpasok nila alam?] well, dont get me wrong. i know im hooked with this pbb thing. and i dont care what they say about that. we have our own addictions and as long as i dont mess with yours then dont mess with mine. anyway, our plans or trying out for next year's competition are still clear. haha. bern and i [i dont know if princess is still open to the idea] are going to audition for next year's teen edition. i know that it would be more or less 365 days to go before that but it is still good that you have your long term goals and something to look forward to.

today, i woke up at about nearly 12. i opened my eyes to see the a big brother special update was on tv. and then followed by game ka na ba?; thus, the reason why i didnt eat my breakfast/lunch. i wouldnt call it brunch because i dont eat breakfast and lunch in one meal. its more like eat breakfast then lunch after that. anyway, i only ate 2 jolly zert pies [namely peach mango pie which is my favortie since i was i dont know when and a choco mallow pie, to tell you the truth i didnt like how it tasted. sorry jollibee!] and drank a cold chocolate drink. after game k n b? my mother asked if i can accompany her to makro because she would be buying a new stove and an elecric fan. knowing that i have nothing else to do but slack off, i happily said yes. and also, i wanted to know how much a leather volleyball would be. but, to my remorse, there were no leather volleyballs there. oh well, better try my luck when i and tita go to sta. lucia later this week.

i dont have more things to blog. maybe tomorrow my head is again filled with thoughts. my mind wanders today and i dont know where to find it. maybe it'll come back later.

what about today?

2006-06-02T23:33:00.000+08:00

i was pissed off earlier today. the reason of which is that dsl is not doing its job in providing fast internet connection. argh. but after a long day of waiting [ive been online since 12noon till now just waiting for this thing to load] i've finally reached the summit! yes, at 1135pm the blogger site loaded and i just felt my mouth drop and my eyes widen in amazement that after 11 and ahalf hours of waiting my reason for being online somehow was realized. ok, so much for the drama of being online.

whenever i stay here in paranaque i always feel that i am in vacation. all i do here is be online, sleep, eat and watch tv. see, i am not myself when i am here. i feel so pampered. haha. when i wake up, my mother asks me if i want to eat and if i say yes, she already has my champorado prepared. that's what i like here! my mother knows what i want to eat for breakfast, lunch, merienda and dinner. she knows what to cook when i am here. aww, i love my mother so much. well, not because she gives me all i want [that is one reason why i love being bunso] but because she knows that i rarely go here to spend time with her and my father that is why she serves me the things i love. plus, she really know that i love eating.. and that i eat 7-8 times a day.

last night, xian started a conversation with me and she talked about my blog [of how innocent and mysterious this is]. suddenly, andre [casibo] IMed me too. then, that was the time i thought that something is about to come. haha. i lvoe myself for being somewhat ESP-like. yes, it is true that they wanted something. they were looking for new batches for the webteam of the org. i just thought that i have a rather busy schedule this coming school year[i have the org, acads, church,.. blahblahs]. maybe, this is the time i really should be taking in as much responsibility that i think i can handle.

hmm. talking about vacation, i really dont enjoy it when i am in marikina. isnt it that vacation is supposed to be spent for resting? aw. but that does not necessarily meant hat there are no household chores for me. vacation gives you the rest you need form your very stressful academic world but that does not include cleaning the house and doing the laundry because as we see they are not part of the academe. anyway, when i cant take the stress of cleaning the house in marikina, i try as much as possible to make a getaway to paranaque. bacasue, as long as i can remember, the last time i cleaned the house here was when i was in prep. [for all those who doesnt know, i spent 14 of my 17 years living in marikina] aww, so much for my vacation house. then my sister commented earlier that i should not stay here because as i've said i only sleep here and watch tv and go online. she said that they lose their working momentum jsut slacking off. well, what can i do i went here to do that right? and oh, i also go here to spend time with my parents [so to speak that i am not that "walang kwentang anak"].

i saw this notebook with a very great cover at national bookstore for one hundred and nine pesos. i am planning to buy that for my notes this semester. la lng. just wanting you to know that i am really excited about going back to school. para akong freshie!

and oh, i remember that i told mae that i would want to help in welcoming freshies this june13 [first day of classes, for those who dont know]. we got two ie freshmen blocks and i really hope that i could connect with them not only for the purpose of getting them to join our org but also as an upperclassman whom tehy can depend on. haha. i feel like a big brother now. that is the only way i can think of to relieve me of the longing of having a younger sibling. aww.

anyway, bloghopping today after i post this. or visit my friendster account which i only visit when someone tells me that they have added me. or better yet, chat and meet friends. well, cant do the chatting, i have someone to chat to tonight, rather this early morning. and i have met two bloggers, paula and ron. i would be linking them. and that is all. argh.

[looks at pc clock, i have been typing this entry for nearly an hour and this is all ive got? whadda?]

big brother big night tomorrow, im planning on watching that. after that, im a certified PBBTE addict. so much for patag's PBBCEness. haha. she lost her curiosity of watching TE while i lost mine with CE. anyway, ill be spending more than half of my semester with her. we are classmates for 6 or 7 subjects. haha. and that is the same with princess. cant wait till july. UAAP here comes the fighting maroons, better be prapared. is 2006 really 1986 the repeat? we'll see about that?

just for today.

2006-06-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

i guess you heard this song already.

"sa lahat ng oras laging kay may kasama,
sa gitna ng ulan, karamay mo ako kaibigan..."

i never knew the whole lyrics though. these two lines are the ones i remember. if anyone knows the whole lyrics, please do send them to me at jod_two@yahoo.com. haha. anyway, the song reminds me of high school. everything great that has happened in my life, happened to me when i was in high school. i found my best friends here. although i still cant tell about college because im just entering second year. awww. i just miss my highschool friends that's all. how i wish i could -again- spend time with them and that i find the complete lyrics of the song. [why didnt i think of searching it in the internet? nah, too much work required.]

today, i woke up quarter to eleven. to my surprise, there were no people nagging at around 7 am telling me to wake up. when i got out of bed, there were no people. no tito, but mommy was at back doing teh laundry. that was the reason why. she said that before i leave i clean the house first because there are no people inside. well, she is there and ate shiel too. i realized soon enough that ate shiela cant do the household chores because she has this congenital heart disease. and if, she ever did them, she might have an attack and i would be the one blamed for it. anyway, that was only out of my imagination. i still cleaned the house and decided that i check crs if ever i got all the subjects i preenlistyed for. still, there were no changes with my schedule and i didnt get the subjects i needed. moving on, i planned to get out of the house as soon as possible. but, too many forces didnt want me too. before i got out, i watched game ka na ba?, played on the computer, watched kapamilya cinema [whichwas so boring.] and watched v-league. it was already 730 when i decided that i should better be going. and that's all. hehe. jsut wanted to share, nothing more nothing less.

anyway, while i was at the mart station this evening waiting for ym turn to buy a ticket, this girl approached me. she looks like she is a teacher or professor or a working girl of some sort. i thought at first that she is from the province because it appears from how she dresses - a blouse and a skirt. she asked me about atm cards, that if ever she had a landbank card can she withdraw money from the atm machine that has banco de oro in it. i could remember the excat question but that is the thought. i answered quickly that i really dont know. because, neither do i have a bank account or a credit card. that somehow stayed on my mind for a few minutes. because all through the journey, it was the only thing im thinking about. the only reason i could think of why i am the one she approached was how i dressed. to tell what iw as wearing - a white cap, a jacket, a shirt, pants, sneakers [fake chucks, haha.] and i was bringing my favorite old navy camouflage bag. that's it. now i am asking you, imagining me in those clothes, would you think that i own a credit card? that thought juggled in my mind and i found the answer, yes. and maybe, i do look rich; but, to tell you the truth, i really am not. it's just how i dress, maybe. hmm. i am again thinking that this experience should be one lesson in life. and i am trying to figure out which of those lessons is it. im going to tell you once i get hold of the answer.

i think i dont really have a lesson to share today. its just LSS ako sa peng you. hehe. becuase i when the song plays, i really feel my eyes water because i really miss my highschool friends. san na kaya sila? nu kaya ginagwa nila ngaun?

hmm. i jsut have one question in mind. why are international reality shows like big brother, deal or no deal and idol plaguing the country today? please do tell.

a day worth noting.

2006-05-31T19:40:00.000+08:00

yesterday, i went to school. with the hope of finally getting an acceptable grade in math. and, not to my surprise, i got a whooping 2.25 for just sitting in the classroom, jotting down notes, laughing like there is no tomorrow and talking about our latest issues in life. yes, that is how math 54 is. actually, it was not as dreadful as how they said it would be. they were telling us that math 54 is hardest in its series. to me, it was jsut like that. math 54 = laughs, stories, notes and chairs. no other. im not boasting about it but it was so disappointing to learn that the most dreaded math subject is not that dreadful at all. all along, i thought that it would be of great achievement not having to repeat math 54; but no, it was like, those who repeated it are the ones who told us how scary that subject was. in conclusion, dont worry about math 54. its a piece of cake for those who love doing the things they are doing.

"it is always better to cheat than to repeat."

and yesterday, we went to the Aguinaldo Culture Fest [is that it?] which features little girls wearing their tutus and dancing ballet. well, im not that interested in ballet. the reason i watched the show is that myniece would be performing with the other Trumpets Playshop kids. haha. and the more exciting thing is that the manuevres [is that the correct spelling?] performed. and if a say perform, they really performed with all those breakdances and very sleek moves. yeah. so much for my dream of becoming a dancer. i would never be like them. i would be somebody. yes, what ive always wanted is to be a dancer or gymnast. haha. i never knew which is which then add the fact that i also want to be a psychologist. haha. sooner or later, i would realize what i want better.

today, i went to school again. this time to get my classcard in pe. this time, i really didnt expect to get a grade higher than 2. well, i didnt really do my best. looking back, i once tried the wall named into the woods and never tried it again. so much for being discouraged. to my surprise, i still managed to scrape off a 1.75. it does look like that in the past 2 semesters, i have not been doing my job as a student. anyway, we climbed this afternoon at power up gym - the palce where my pe this summer is held. this time, i was really pumped up. i got so excited that "into the woods" was not that hard for me today. i was so overwhelmed that it was not that hard as it once seemed to be. and the "russian pump" was not that hard either. i then asked myself that why is it that when classes ended it is then that i managed to climb the two hardest walls to climb. why only now. it is the only reason i think that i was not included into the teams who would be competing. i was such a coward then. and the lesson i really learned, you must always try until you succeed. we should not be discouraged of how steep the wall maybe. if others can do it, then so can i. everything is just in its own state of mind.

tonight, when i was about to go home. i searched for my bag. it was then that i foundout the may wallet is missing. i thought, not again. this is the second time i lost my wallet without knowing it. the second time that i lost it without it being snatched or held-up. maybe that is jsut my luck with wallets. the thing that i was worried the most was not the money, it is my id. you never know how much work and stress trying to renew your id is. i remember this once. i lost it september 17 and renewed it october 5. anyway, i would just tell the manong id that i did not lose my id i just wanted it to be new. haha. and due to this incident, i would quote my most quotable quote for the day.

"lord, ginusto nyo yon. hindi na ko aapila."

these words came out of my motuh just as i was walking past st. gabriel's parish. to tell you who st. gabriel is, he is the patron saint of all teenagers. it is a long story but in summary he is just the same teenager as those living today, only holier. haha.

and now, im plannning to go to paranaque tomorrow. sopmeone needs my help. and he has been waiting all summer for this. i think that it will be another good deed for me. and i wouldnt mind if it would take some time. anyway, helping others is a lot of fun.

those who read this please do tag or comment. i just want to know how you react to my blog or my thoughts. violent reactions allowed.

clutter.

2006-05-28T21:18:00.000+08:00

yey! guys, a new post!

what i would discuss here is of course recent. and what is more recent than pbb's big four? for me, that is recent. well, aside form the fact that im now rooting for kim because jamilla was evicted, i really dont consider the big night that thrilling. looking on the bright side, there might be an even chance that mikee would also win this thing. anyway, i was that sad when jamilla was not called to be part of the big four. anyway, i felt that the people knew that her purpose inside the house was already accomplished. didnt she eneter the house to have her baby operated of its physical deformation? hmm, just cant wait for the big night. i sense no excitement although there might be chances that either mikee or gerald wouldtake the big winner crown out of kim's hands. also, claire might be the silent worker we really cant sense. haha!

hm. more recently was the election for the new set of officers for our youth organization. and yes, i am part of the committee on elections and really, it is very hard work. too much speculation come from the mouths of those who ar enot in favor of anything we have decided. argh. anyway, it still went well and i end up being a liturgical coordinator. actually, the task is already done and there is a schedule for the readers, lectors and commentators till december. meaning, i wouldnt actually be doing my job unless december comes. haha. still, i wll be doing the computer tasks. huhu. anyway it is still fun!

i am looking forward to tuesday. or any other dayof the week that ill be out of the house. really, i feel so bored. i want to go out and play. or do anything as long as its outside of our house. argh. lusaw.....

anyway, cant think or any thing more to blog. my mind's too cluttered. i need to clean it up. i need to find the vacuum cleaner!

i want you to meet them.

2006-05-26T13:50:00.000+08:00

well. the AI season finale was one great show. although i woke up real early to watch it. our old television is broken and we only have a hand-me-down super antique tv with only 7 channels. yes, now i dont have cable tv. anyway, the finale started 8am at abc5. although, i was really rooting for katharine, i knew all along that taylor would be the winner. you know that weird feeling? it was very ironic for me.

anyway, whit did i do today? hmm. i cleaned the house. the reason behind i was able to go out and visit chello. yeah, its the rule. you wanna go out, you clean the house! argh. so much for my cleaning, because when i came home i needed toclean my room. yes, the curtains are on. and definitely the new study table/ computer table would be installed. wahahaha. and that my room is going to be painted maroon. isnt it surprising? dont get me wrong, it was not my decision that my room to be colored maroon. hmm, well i thought it also is kind of cool!

i watched final destination 1 again at chello's house. well, that was my purpose. the visit was supposed to be a movie marathon with me and my third year higschool friends. nang-indian pa yung iba! anyway, it was fun. we ate chocolates and chips and drank coke. i never get hungry at chello's house. going back to FD1, i didnt remember how the story went. i know its story line is the same as the other FD movies. you know, the premonition then someone saves the lives of 2 or three more then they all die in the sequence of how they should have died. hmm, i like these kind of stories. hahaha. i need to watch final destination three! please let me borrow a copy.

i am so frustrated with crs. wah. why cant i be the lucky one who gets all his pre-enlisted subjects? now, i need to go prerog on 2 subjects. es 1, the draw lots typ of prerog. i dont have luck in this kind of decision making. its either i come first or last. well, i hope this time i may be first. another, a ge subject, well i just need to find a subject that fits my schedule. i wouldnt mind what subject that would be maybe except bio.

these are the guys i want you to meet. they ar emy sportsclimbing classmates this summer. i miss them a lot. i really hope i would be seeing them around campus. aww.

anyway, thats all i can tell. i have to refresh my mind. and i should clear all the clutter.

"to err is human, to errs is humans"-anonymous

after all these times.

2006-05-21T19:33:00.000+08:00

wooh. after all the times ive been away, nothing really has happened. all i know is that i have a math54 final exam to prepare for. and now, im here blogging. i really missed this page where i can blurt out and shout all my thoughts and feelings which i cannot really do in real life.

some things are really hard to explain. like the way our pe class acted on the day of the interclass competition. i know we are one strong team, but it never occured to me that we were one strong and bonded team. yes, we know each other - acquaintances and friends- but never team mates. we, those who know each other better than others, help each other in times of need; but, last friday, we were more than that. we were like in a uaap game - up vs [nu?]- screaming at the top of our lungs to give support to our players. we proved that we were all more than classmates, to tell you the truth, i felt i found a family. it was like, yah! haha. it was all because of the color. kidding!

hm. math54 final exam is coming. actually it is on tuesday. and i think i would be passing math54. i honetly dont think that math54 is as hard as they say it is. it is more of confusing. well, i am really sure that i would be passing this and would be moving on to the next in the series. anyway, they say that my professor dont want that anybody in the class would be failing. i sure hope that it is true. aside from the fact that i know that i would be failing the last long exam, i am really praying hard that they wont put vector problems in the finals because i really am lost at that part. anyway, there is only one thing to do whenver you are not really sure about everything - pray hard, it works.

why is it that students pray for vacation when it is in the middle of the school year and pray for school to start when vacation is just starting? such a trivial question like this is very hard to answer, but for most it is really easy to answer. for me, i wish for school to start when it is vacation time because i dont want to lose the momentum of being in school mode and also, due to the fact that i dont have allowance and i dont want to stay home and be a bum. easy, right? but as for vacation, i really dont think about vacation that much, although i also pray for rest days when the school year is in progress. i really hate it when i dont have something to do. haha. to tell you the truth, i really hate doing chores. i would choose doing school stuff than household chores. argh. hehe. a statement from a self-confessed lazy boy at home.

this summer, i cant believe the boredom that has occured to me. due to this boredom, ive read about 6 books. yes, to think that i ahve the television and the computer to consume my time with. and, that i have to study because im taking advance summer classes. what the?!

after all these time, nothing significant really has happened. none if you count the time i was nominated as president of our church organization. didnt they think the chaos i would be bringing if ever i would be elected president? well, maybe i am underestimating mysself. but, i really dont know the processes of solicitation, and preparation for several activities, or even going to tondo for meetings. did it ever occur to them how busy my school year would be? now that i am taking es subjects? maybe, they are right, i can do all those things. all i need is time management. and i need to find a college that offers such course. argh.

what i want most lately is to watch the da vinci code movie. i think that wouldnt be possible. im not being pessimistic, just practical.

"birds of the same feather, make a great feather duster." - flash leithold and stewart little.

summer is officially over!

2006-05-20T09:48:00.000+08:00

whew. it was 5may since i had my last entry. now, summer is officially over. but i would miss very much.

we had our sports climbing competition last night. and to our surprise [was it?] we place first, second third and fourth place. take note, we only have four teams in our class. haha. isnt it fun? nawalan ng thrill. hehe. well, i would miss my classmates definitely. and how i wish that we would be classmates again in another subject. it would surely be fun. aww. im missing them already. anyway, thare are other things to look forward to. and im looking forward to the start of the new semester and meeting my scl classmates around the campus. and i sure will.

and, uh. we had a take-home fifth long exam and i am not very sure of my answers or am i sure that i would be passing it. all i know is that i did not have a chnace to sleep last night or maybe this morning. and i want to go to bed. well, after i blog of course.

there are so many thi8ngs that happened, yet, it seems so redundant putting them here. they are all the usual this and thats of my life. haha. and oh, i wish i could watch the da vinci code right now.

and now, im asking myself, why do religious organizations work very hard in putting the screening of the said movie to a stop? isnt it painfully obvious that they are somehow insecure nad intimidated by the movie. well, in my perspective, the novel [also the movie] is fiction but based on true facts that somehow makes it realistic. but, according to Langdon [the main character] it is in what you believe in that is important. maybe, the church is somehow worried that after reading the novel or watching the movie, most catholics would question their faith and change their beliefs or worse, shift into another religion. guys, its all in the mind. when you have that strong faith in you, no novel or movie would ever change that.

hmm. i sure hope that i would be playing badminton this summer break.[yes, my summer vacation is about to start] haha. all i can say is that, summer brings more tension and pressure. maybe because everything seems to be in a hurry. like our lessons in sport climbing. one meeting we are climbing, the next meeting, we did routes. aint that too fast. well, i suppose it should be.

ok, i would be going now. i need sleep. ill be back.

would i have the courage to send this?

2006-05-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

sa sino mang makakabsa nito. mas ok kung taga abs-cbn. asa!

[hindi ako ganun kagaling sa balarilang tagalog ngunit gusto kong ipahayag ang gusto kong sabihin. khet na ang blog ko ay usually sa english nakasulat]

hm. una, gusto ko lng bigyang papuri ang abs-cbn sa pag-air ng shows tulad ng big brother. mostly, ang ibang tao talaga dun ay nagbibigay ng inspirasyon. hindi ko na nga pinapatulan ang haka-haka ng iba na scripted daw ito at planado na ang mananalo at maeevict. actually, i see this not merely as a reality show but also a show that would help people understand more things about life. ang rteason na ito ataang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit nanalo ang PBB ng most phenomenal show sa recent Guillermo Mendoza Memorial Scholarship Foundation [sabi ng isang kaibigan, hidni ko man napanood nabalitaan ko naman.]

pero, ang real deal kung bakit ko sinulat to kasi may napansin lang ako. hindi naman sa nakikialam ako, pero opinion ito ng isang filipino youth. i write this not because i want to be seen on tv or what, i write this because i show concern. marami akong naririnig na usapan tungkol sa show na ito. i know it gathers a lot of viewers, thus increasing ratings; pero, hindi yun ang gusto kong isipin. gusto kong magstick dun sa view ko na aside from being a reality show, PBB gives inspiration to others by picking housemates suitable to share their lives in order to help others change their lives. una kong napinsin, the filipino youth is not well-represented inside the house. looking at the housemates alone, i cant see the extremes of filipino youth today. wala na bang dukha sa pilipinas? wala na ba ang mga matatalino, free, working student, super rich at kung ano anong klase ng kabataang pinoy? i thought ang PBB ay ang teleseryeng totoong buhay ng kabataang pinoy. i discussed this with my friends, then may isang nagcomment, "wla ngang bakla e." we laughed but thinking about this, mapapa-"oo nga" ka na lng. hindi ba natin nakikita na ganun na ang kabataang pilipino ngaun? ayawman nating isipin pero, this is the reality. at un ang gustong ipakita ng isang REALITY show, ang katotohanan.

tapos, hm. seems like ang dami kopa lang gustong sabihin. akala ko mga two paragraphs lang. more views about the housemates pala to. look at them, puro sila mayayaman. ok i really dont know about their status and i really dont have the right to judge them. pero, the more na nakita kong nahirapan si aldred dahil sinasabi niya na hindi siya makisabay sa usapan, ganun ang lumalabas e.

actually, sinusulat ko to noong patapos na ang PBB. well, masasabi ko hindi ko naman sila masisisi sa kanilang mga ginagwa sa loob ng bahay. bawat kabataan, sa gantong edad ay natututo pa lang tumanggap ng greater responsibilities. i wont comment on what they do, on what they say inside because i cant deny that at times i also do them. pero ang big deal sa akin, wala akong nakikita na isang housemate na sasabihin ko na "uy, parang ako to ah." i cant even see some of my friends in them. ayoko namang isipin na totoo pa ang isang rumor na naririnig ko [parang ang dami kong naririnig na rumors diba?] na biased daw kumuha ng housemates ang abs-cbn team. ang isa, hindi ko naman pedeng sabihin yun kasi i really didnt audition for this and i dont know how the audition process works. i just try to defend abs-cbn by saying that, "baka sila na yung nagqualify sa lahat ng sumali". maybe, ganun nga.

sana, if ever my second season pa ang PBB teen edition. i would like to see some imporvement. [prang nagiging demanding ako ah.] hindi naman sa ganun, kasi ayoko namang may nagsasabi ng masama sa abs-cbn. i salute you guys tlga. walang halong bola, katotohanan lang talaga. sasabihin ko ba ang lahat ng to kung mambobola lang ako? and if ever nga na may second edition, i am planning on auditioning. hehe. hanapin nyo na lang ako dun.

these dreams and frustrations.

2006-04-28T15:13:00.001+08:00

hey. its been quite a while since i last blogged. ive been absent for so long. i am really sorry for the irregularity of my online hours. my summer is more tiring than my last 2 semesters but, there are only four weeks left to bear the heat and pressure caused by summer. oh well.

lately, my conversations are leading into the topic about frustrations. of all the things i cant forget, those are my regrets in life. looking at it [my life], i can see that almost everything in it are just frustrations. i see myself as the person who accepts everything that life presents me and whonever does any means of achieving my dreams. to tell you the truth, it is just last night that ive decided to do everything to achieve my goals.

to start off, i would list all my frustrations in life.

1. highschool frustrations [too many, and for sure i cant do anything about that]

2. my course [ie was never my first choice for a course, it was always psychology]

3. present school [i know up has this academic superiority, but for someone who dreams of taking a degree in psychology, ateneo would be a better choice]

4. my life in general [i never knew what my weaknesses and strenghs are. all i know is that the things i can do are my strengths and those which i cant are my weaknesses]

5. my purpose [i know in time, i would be realizing this. but isnt it time for me to do the things i fell doing?]

6. PBB [alright, i dreamed of becoming one housemate. it never occured to me that i would want to join because of the money. its like joining because youw ant to share a part of yourself to others, and set an example or be an inspiration. the prize would be just a bonus.]

7. gymnastics [aside from graduating with a degree in psychology, another thing that i would have wanted to do is to be a gymnast. a weird choice, but it definitely satisfies me whenever i do the things i once longed to do.]

8. be the best son to parents [i never knew how to make my parents happy. they always tell that if i just study hard it would make them happy. all the while, i feel that studying is nothing compared to what they have done for me. i need more reasons to make them proud of me.]

9. be a good christian [i attend mass every sunday. well, except whenever i couldnt because of my alibis. argh. i pray almost every night but i guess it just isnt enough to say that i am a good christian. right now, i have a stronger faith in him than before, to tell you the truth.]

there, ive written my frustrations. what i am planning to do next is to devise ways on how to achieve them and write them down the "achievements" category. i know all these things cant be done overnight. most of them are. but i am relying on my faith and determination to achieve these things. things that would make me happy.

i know what im doing know isnt my dream. yes, i know its a dream to finish college. but this aint my dream course and school, this is liking living my parent's dream. making them happy is one thing i would like to achieve. their happiness is my goal. the more they become happy, the more goals i achieve.

the reason why i blogged is because i am waiting for PBB uplate. i just came home from julio's despedida [he's leaving for San Francisco tomorrow night]. he is a friend. great friend indeed. well, that's life. i cant sleep without watching PBB. argh. these frustrations.

summer classes

2006-04-22T07:39:00.000+08:00

whew. this is my first summer weekend. yey. and i would say that summer classes are fun even though it is tiring.

i got used to waking up early in the morning. so, here i am blogging at 8. i really have things to do, like study for our first long exam. i have to! my teacher is a powerpuff girl. hehe.

it has been a long time since i was online. and just this moment, i heard the news that DLSU will be suspended for next season's UAAP. aww. well, it would be mroe of an advantage. you see, there is now this big chance of UP getting into the final four and wouldn't that be nice?

and my pe, sportsclimbing, is the most tiring but fun pe ive been into. and yesterday, mam marked me very good in performance because i am able to climb three walls and climb one up to the sixth panel (there are 7 panels in a wall). mind you, those walls were of 3rd and 6th degree of difficulty. i was so proud of myself.

anyway, im nto really in the mood for a blog.

notice!

2006-04-18T15:28:00.000+08:00

hey guys. hmm, im just telling you that i would not be able to blog regularly this summer. the reason behind is that i am taking advance math classes. [yes, i have to. ang dami tlgang pahirap sa buhay.] to add, the math im taking is the hardest in the series. well, thats another bad news. that is why i am busy being an iskolar ng bayan. that is what i have to do, focus on ym classes. well, ill be blogging every now and then. haha.. to share all my thoughts and insights about my life. all i can say for now, ang dami tlgang pahirap sa buhay - pilit mo mang iwasan, dadaanan mo pa rin. hehe. prerequisite kasi!

would you look at that.

2006-04-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

I am worth $2,012,706 on HumanForSale.com

a good friday for me.

2006-04-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

i should be on blog leave for two days to join the nation in the solem celebration [?] of both holy thursday and friday. but there was this urge to change font colors and post in my blog.

i am beginning to be a blogaholic! am i not? haha. who taught me all of these anyway? oh right. i started blogging in my last year of highschool. when i lost my stupid journal! well, i was financially unable that time and i cant spend more than my fare. haha.

just to make sure i have something to blog. i was watching tv hours ago [i dont have anything else to do but watch, you know a bum's life]. to be exact, it was channel 2. hmm, then i heard bo sanchez speaking [ the kerygma writer]. i can relate to him! not because i am a self-confessed sex addict, but i somehow realized how sinful i am. and that i am afraid to go to confession because i am thinking that the lord would not forgive me. i know he will. but still, tlaking to the priest and telling him all your sins is not as comfortable as talking to your friends. i am finding how hard christian living is. but little by little i am getting used to the fact that this is my way of life. argh. i should not be arguing about this. [i completely messed up my thoughts]. argh.

right now, im on the process of leaving all other things behind. all other things - obessions, addictions.. i know hindi madali but still if there is motivation there will be fruits to harvest. parang ang gulo nung huli kong sinabi. but still, you know what i mean.

have i ever said to you that of all the different types of people it is the smoker-type that i hate?

you know what? i am really excited about the enxt uaap season. although i dont expect that the maroons will win many events, it is the school pride that keeps me excited about it. it is then that the UPians gather and enjoy every second of the event. win or lose, we still have our pride and the procrastination. haha. joke lng. well, we want to win. dont we? who doesnt? all i can say, goodluck to every team that would be on the 69th season of the uaap. may it be lasalle-less or not.

also, i changed my blogs font colors to my school's colors. maroon and green. argh. is that how much i love my school. the only thing lacking is the school's logo! but i wouldnt go that far. haha.

anagram fun!

2006-04-14T00:48:00.000+08:00

sabi sa anagram genius [www.anagramgenius.com] ang anagram ng:

whole name ko ay: "necrotized or smug major"
given and middle name ko ay: "major or stridence"
tawag sken ng UP friends ko ay: "jim doer"

haha.. try nten ung sa mga ate ko:

~terrorize as glamorous maniac (ate rose)
~rockiest zest or manuring (ate tin)
~crazedly smearing on cuagulant (ate ghie)

tpos sa hs barkada ko:

~ace injured botch (bene)
~dazzle tune gem (etzel)
~brain neater skill (karen)
~it's uncharming daze (xtian)
~jaunty cable me (mylene)
~heroic noble (richel)
~an accord, i am a zz (mocha)
~it lag quibbler (gilbert)

haha.. kakatuwa. un lng.

hm. survey.

2006-04-13T21:15:00.000+08:00

..eto nakuha ko lng kay melody (schoolmate ko nung highschool pero lower batch)...

1.name
jodimer gozum

2.skul
university of the philippines-diliman

3.musta ang skulyr ngaun?
its fine. everything went well and im off to second year! woohoo.

4.any probs dis skul yr?
yeah. lots of it. nung first sem.

5.how are ur frenz?
they are fine. super funny friends.

6.ngkaron kb ng barkada?
yeah.

7.f yes, cnu2 keo?
highschool- copper, isang section kaming barkada.. haha. tpos nung dagohoy. ngaun, hmm we are just close blockmates.

8.mhal mo b ang brkda mo?
super.

9.pang-ilang brkda m n un?
hmm.

10.msaia b kau?
yeah! xempre. sometime we share the same thoughts. haha.

11.buo pb kau?
yeah!

12. if not. baket?
...

13.my mga regrets kb s mga nging kaibgan mo?
none. that's what i like about myself, i carefully choose ym friends. pero minsan, naiisip ko masyado akong nagsisigurado.

14.kmusta nman ang mga dti mong kaibgan?
ok lng. still friends. d man nagkikita.

15.I-rank mo ang mga nging secxons mO..
dagohoy, copper, narra, 1-1

16. Bat gnun ang ranking mO?
the last section i went to highschool was dagohoy. most probably it is with them that i spend most of the fun times. well, copper on the other hand is my third year section but still a fun section to go to because of unusual events that took place. hmm, narra, masaya lng kasi nangaway kami ng teacher. tpos 1-1, wala lng.

17. any lessons?
hm. sa up maraming life lessons akong natutunan. read my entries.. hmm i made an entry which i gave tribute to up for my first college experience.

18.musta nman ang elem lyf?
hmm. forgettable. haha.

19.ano ang pnkamhrap n ctuation n ngyri sau?
hm. when you've only passed 6 out of 18 units! haha.

20.ano nman ang pnkamskit n ngyri s frend mo?
hm. loss of loved ones.

21. cnu nman ung mga nging closest frenz m?
super closest? bene, etzel, karen, christian. mylene, ricell, mocha, gilbert. almost all of whom are my groupmates kaya naging ganun kami ka bonded.

22.iiyak kb s graduation ngaun?
no. im not yet graduating. i still have to wait four years [i hope so]. i will graduate on time, no matter how long it takes! haha. ~qoute mula sa beerkada

23.ano nman ang 1st tym m lng n ngawa ds skulyr?
scream my lungs out for my first uaap season!

24.uso b open forums sa inio?
nde na. college na kasi e. pero minsan kami kami ng closest blockmates.

no. but whenever i see someone cry, nagiging mababaw na.

26.keLan k huLing umiyak?
cant remember.

27.me ksclose ka ba n ibang level o section?
hmm. some orgmates na mejo close. haha.

28.punta nman tau s luvlyf mo..musta ang luvlyf?
none at the moment.

29.fell inlove?
no.

30.with who?
...

31.ngkacrush kb s higher yrs?
hm. yeah!

32.e s lower yrs?
ngaun, wala pang lower ang year smen. pero, way back highschool, yeah.

33.e s mga kalevel?
yep!

34.any serious rel8ionshp?
none.

35.any past luv?
none.

36.ano ang latest s luvlyf mo?
no progress, still zero.

37.any 'ex'?
hay, NGSB!

38.kilig moment?
hmm. every moment is kilig moment. haha.

39.my gus2 k bng blikan?
somehow.

40.any suitors?
none, would i get suitors?

41.any flowers received?
none.

42.my binusted kb?
none.

43.my nging crush kb s rum nio?
yeah, in one of my subjects! haha.

44.mhrap b ang skulyr ngaun 4u?
can say nothing. its my first year in college, i dont know if it is.

45.ano ang pnkakadiring gnawa mO?
wala e.

46.MASAYA b ang skulyr n 2?
yeah! first, i went to up. then, i had my blockmates. third, im STILL in UP! haha!

47.anO ang highlight ng skulyir mo ngaun?
going to UP. and my first ever UAAP season.

a UP tribute.

2006-04-09T20:24:00.000+08:00

i amy not have studied at UP for a long time but after this first year i had with it made me feel so proud i chose UP above all others.

in UP, i belong.

yes, even if i only had my first year here at UP i proudly say that i already belong to it. i screamed out my lungs for my first UAAP season. and although we didnt make it to the final four, going to the games with your schoolmates cheering for your team makes one MAROON out of you. i felt the rush of excitement as i witness my first ever cheerdance competition and i would say that UP does not deserve only second place (peace to all USTe people out there). these uaap events really briongs out a maroon to every UP student. I belong to UP because i feel the pride in me for being part of the premier state university, the best university in the Philippines. there is the feeling of being baostful about it. well, you are in UP, you should be.

not only these uaap event made me feel that i belong to up. it is in my experiences that show how much of an isko i am. everything about its buildings, food sites, and jeepney rides. i already know which building is which and what is the fastest way to this building. i would no longer be lost and ride a jeepney after another to go back where i came from. i mastered the art of eating half-a-footlong, isaw manok and isaw baboy, kwekkwek and fishballs. never in my entire life did i crave for isaw almost everyday.

one more thing to back up my statement, is in the academe world. UP boasts of its academic superiority which is undeniable. in this world, i had my first scholastic frustrations. i never had my first bagsak grade until i landed in up. i never felt agonized by my classes until i started going to up. i never crammed studying for my exams until i stepped in up. UP taught me more than what i should learn. more than what is written in my textbooks or handouts. more than what is present in Microsoft Powerpoint. more than the poems i criticize. UP taught me everything about life. everything an upperclassman experience, i experienced it too. we [the iskos and the iskas] experience all of it. that's how i belong to UP.

more, UP taught me all the vitl things in life.

UP taught me independence. all iskos and iskas are irregular students. its lucky for you to have a classmate in more than one subject. at first you try befriending everybody, but somehow you become a friend of yourself. you realize that it is sometimes better to be only by yourself. with all of the confusion going around you. everything is your own responsibility. you cant pinpoint others for your mistakes.

UP taught me to appreciate all things. the uaap games would look frustrating to a UP student. the cheerdance crown and being unable to compete in the final four would be big frustration to every isko or iska. but UP would not let its world be stopped by its own frustrations. you would learn that in UP. you would soon realize that everything happens for a reason.

UP taught me the art of camaraderie. joining the organization asks more of what you can offer. you have to be a full-time cooperative worker and laborer. not only that, but in your classroom you have to cooperate with all the people in your group. they may not be the friendliest type of person, still you have to.

UP taught me to have more faith in God. all those frustrations and agonizations all lead to sleepless nights due to depression. if not for those, i wouldnt have better faith in God to believe that soon everything will be on the right track.

well, that is all i can think of for now. i am not a freshman anymore, i would be learning more of these things as i go on. i still have four years of staying in UP and i bet it would be fantastic. i wish for more uaap games to come and the crown beings ours from now until my 40th birthday. haha.

sophomore year. here i come.

delayed tactics.

2006-04-09T20:01:00.000+08:00

wow. it was long ago since i last blog.

anyway, the week was quite fantastic if you asked me. yesterday and today somehow uplifted my spirit. friday's event was fantastic.

okay, come friday. i was epecting my hs classmates here at home and i had a new pair of eyeglasses. yes, i broke them again! this is my sixth pair. aww, is that how reckless i am? well, not. i had one pair a year. argh. this means i aint having another pair this year, haha. i already got my money! woohoo. i am going to buy a pair of jeans ans shirts or some polos. haha. anyway, friday. we [my hs friends and i] had an overnight here at my place because we went swimming last saturday. yes, it was a hell of an evening. we only had junkfood and pasta [with pasta sauce a result of an experiment combining a small amount of tomato sauce, cornbeef, italian dressing and mounds and mounds of cheese!]. haha. we played uno till it was 3 inthe morning and slept. morning came and we went swimming. woohoo! it was then that we realized that the resort [flamingoes to be exact] was way too crowded to swim. i mean, you cant even swim a few feet for there are to many people. well, we didi enjoy and made the most out of our ninety-peso entrance fee and two-hundred-peso cottage. argh. why do they have to charge for a cottage when you dont want to have your own? friggin' management!

and today, was not just an ordinary day. today is the day the sandman showered me a lot of sand. argh. today is sleeping day! i had almost 10 hours of sleep. and the problem now is, i cant make myself go to bed anymore. aww.

tomorrow is enrollment day. and i still havent got my math classcard. thanks to ahjh for reminding me that a classcard is needed to get the subject i wanted. haha. i forgot all about that! all is well now. i am uber excited for tomorrow. haha. and i want donuts. i am going to buy myself some donuts and eat them at home. one reason why i am excited for tomorrow is that im going to see my blockmates again! woohoo. fun. but im not gonna spend my whole day with them. aww. museong pambata trip is not for me. its not that i dont want to go with them, but i have an appointment to attend to. haha.

what am i supposed to be doing now? sleep because i need to be at upmb at 8am tomorrow. it means i have to wake up at 530am because im so slow! aww man! but i need to practice waking up early because i ahve math54 at 7am everyday during summer. what is a bit of sacrifice?

it looks like i should be enjoying holy week because after it i would be studying again. groan. i need to. and i hope that i would finish this. i dont want delays. please!

i am lucky having completed my first two semesters without delay. can i keep up with my pace or eventually hit the board and become one of those delayed students?

volatile thoughts evaporate.

2006-04-06T12:48:00.000+08:00

You Are 80% Happy

You are a very happy person. Generally, you feel content and that all is right with the world.
Occasionally, you have a down day - but you have the ability to pick yourself right back up.

How Happy Are You?

well that just proves a lot. i enjoy life as it is. let all the pain and suffering come to me and i will surely handle them with ease. argh. i knowi have my down days, but i rather find it easy tp stand back up after tripping.

i dont know if this maybe the saddest or happiest part of my life. the only two people left in our house tomorrow night are me and my sister. would that be happy or sad? hm. cant tell, anyway, it would be fun!

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain.
People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

i dont know if this is true. maybe, they just cant see it yet. haha.

well, i cant think of things to blog today. its just that, im not really in the mood for blogging. this hot weather makes my thought evaporate. oh, how volatile they are. hmm. i cant seem to think of more happy things to do.

tests!

2006-04-05T22:22:00.000+08:00

You're inspired by Learning New Things

What Inspires You?

Brought to you by Tickle

Your signature color is Pink Chiffon

What's Your Signature Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

You're a Determined Dissenter

What Kind of Troublemaker Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

You're Cool as Ice

What Kind of Cool Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

The emoticon that represents you best is the Smiling Face

Which Emoticon Are You?

Brought to you by Tickle

fast love.

2006-04-04T13:30:00.000+08:00

ive got nothing to do on a tuesday afternoon. i cant wait for the 10th of april or this thursday perhaps. well, i am supposed to be meeting my blockmates then. and as karen said, we would be visiting vigan this 11th and would stay there for 3 days. we are on a top-secret mission!

right now, im on emo mode with nina and mymp. and thanks to them, i do have companymon a very hot day like this. i am planning that im going to take my shower after i write this entry.

i just dropped the fact of looking for a relationship. everything happens on its own time frame. all i can do is wait. it will eventually come. the more i look for it, the harder it is to be found.

my friendster account is kind of static nowadays. nobody gives me a testimonial anymore. [yes, nagpaparinig ako!]. well, as if somebody does read this that is on my friendster account. what are you waiting for? give me a testi right now! haha. demanding.

i know that i ought to find someone new, but all i found is myself always thinking of you.
~i'll never get over you getting over me lyrics~

wait, i have just one question to ask. why is it that everytime i openthe radio it is "paalam na" that is playing? what's with the song? and why is it always coincindental that whenever i open the radio it is the song playing? does it imply something from my life? wah.

something about love? found it at last. i just needed to wait five minutes. that was fast!

summer starts here.

2006-04-01T00:41:00.000+08:00

hello. its already morning and i cant sleep. it jsut goes to show the fact that ive slept for almost eight hours or so. i headed here at pque after the swimming excursion i had with ym blockmates. and boy, do i feel so tired. i didnt swim for almost a year and iw as so excited tog o into the water. and yes, i was happy jsut swimming there. moreover, i had fun playing volleeyball. well, it was like beach volleyball but nonetheless it was still volleyball. everything went great and it was so cool! me and my blockmates bonded and in felt that we had a tight covalent bond between all of us. aww. chemistry!

all is well that ends well. chemistry and i would be leaving each other happy after all. as for me, it's no chem forever. well, except ChE2 which i would be meeting later in my college life. as for now, just enjoy the moment of passing chem. but at the same time, panic at what would happen to physics lab. it is so disappointing when you realize that you have to retake a one-unit subject. argh, right?! i've decided that i would be taking it on the first sem of second year. well, i hate to break it up but im sticking to my summer schdule. i know what im doing and im not delayed, i wont get myself delayed.

the computer shop here in pque opened last sunday. i dont know what to say. its just that its ok for me having this internet cafe but all the while im thinking about marikina. what about marikina? hmm, maybe its something i want on my own right now.

i cant believe how fast time really is. by now, im now officially a second year student - not counting summer classes though. my first year has been rough enough to shape me in continuing my studies. ive undergone problems and the like that made me this person. well, i would say it was enough.

up is a venue for violence and that it only nourishes the mind. i big NO!

excitment.

2006-03-25T21:48:00.000+08:00

i ahve an exam on monday, wednesday and thursday; but, why do i have the courage to blog on this very crucial saturday? well, aside from the fact that im terribly happy, i just cant fight the urge of blogging. i cant leave this blog rotting with an entry from last week!

im on senti mode once again. and even though my love life has been cruel i cant escape the fact that ive made a circle of tissues. yes, its from the lvoe ritual of denice. i really dont know if its true. or whatever at least i made a circle.

steps on knowing whether you and your crush may have an oppurtunity to be together:
--do this while thinking about your crush
1. find tissue paper. well, not necessarily one piece but for this "ritual" you only need one. [in case, you wanted to try more than once]
2. tear it into five pieces. nice pieces though.
3. hmm... what do you call that? hmm, twirl them to make thin tissue rods. you know the muscle tissues? make the real-life tissues like them.
4. well, you need a person to hold the tissues for you.
5. tie knots of twos. you can only tie a tissue once.
6. if you form a circl, good for you. if not try and try until you can. haha.

in my case, i was just happy. because the one im thinking of the person i rode the jeepney with. we dont know each other though. all i kniw is the organization. wahaha. for zara, it was horrible. she thought of "bad spirit" who would think of that?! freaky.

last friday, i was on panic mode about chem. well, i wasnt exempted. and i would be surprised ifi were. i need 100+ points to pass. and im damn freaking out because of physics lab. well, i need good grades for my worksheets and written exam. so as, i not being able to finish my practical exam would not be the cause of a "bagsak" grade. argh.

currently, im loving "with a smile". a very good eheads song revived by douthborder. they played earlier in game k n b and it was very good. andi watched little big star andim wishing that charice would bag the first place.

that is all for now, i have no more thoughts to add. maybe after we swim. haha. im going swimming again. fun!

what a blog.

2006-03-22T21:30:00.000+08:00

why is it cool to be different? why is it that you say you are unique when everybody is also unique? some silly questions but makes a whole lot of difference when answered.

stayinginfornt of the pc sure does me something good. first, i meet a lot of people. yes, i chat whenever im infront of this pc. excessive chatting may become addictive so i try to limit myself. Then blogging, my expression of grief, anger, guilt, happiness or whatever feeling there is. Research! i learn a lot from the researches i conduct even though its form the internet. my eng10 prof said that the internet is not a good bibliography bcause they may change the content anytime. anyway, for the time being, it is.

imiss our television. for the past 2 weeks, missed two american idol and two amazing race episodes. isnt that a big sacrifice for me. and for the suspense, i didnt even check out their websites. haha. sometimes, i do have my sense of pride.

i have a final oral exam on eng11 this friday. i dont know if im ready. all i know is that im doing a historical criticism on gabriel garcia marquez's the chronicle of a death foretold. well, itis situated in columbia, with more or less the same culture as ours so it wont be more of a problem. but still, i havent prepared that much.

---unfinished----

well, just look at this.

2006-03-22T13:51:00.000+08:00

You scored as Philosophy. You should be a Philosophy major! Like the Philosopher, you are contemplative and you enjoy thinking about the purpose for humanity's existence.

Mathematics

100%

Philosophy

100%

Psychology

92%

Dance

75%

Theater

67%

Linguistics

67%

Engineering

67%

English

67%

Journalism

58%

Sociology

58%

Anthropology

50%

Art

42%

Chemistry

17%

Biology

What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com

on maturity.

2006-03-20T20:52:00.000+08:00

many people misinterpret seventeen-year-olds like me. yes, we are not of legal age but does that give other people the right to underestimate our maturity? Can't they see the relevance of 17-year-olds to society? Most people say that we, the 17-year-old population, are immature; but, cant they see that in making that judgement they showed a sign of immaturity? not having to respect other people and what they believe in is a sign of immaturity. For me, being a mature person doesn't necessarily mean that you have to be of legal age. Maturity is a very hard topic to discuss, i know that another person may have his/her own perception of maturity. But, as this is my blog, i will explain what for me the word maturity means.

A mature person for me, strips himself of his own concerns. He thinks not merely of his self but also of others. Everything he does is not only for his own but also for the happiness of others.

Respect is also a sign of maturity for me. It is like accepting that things won't always go your way. Other people have beliefs opposing yours. It is very mature that you talk about yours but not at the expense of others.

If we look at the world nowadays, we can see what is happening. If every person would say he is concerned, why cant he do things to show his concern. As for me, this is what i would probably do. After all, i dont have the courage to speak but i guess this would be the perfect oppurtunity for me.

I would often ask people who read my blog on what do they think of it. They would usually say it was good.Well, they didnt even notice the issues ive posted. It appears to me that they didnt even paid attention to what ive said but only to how ive written it - with all those typos and gramatical errors. No sign of believing. I may be proven wrong, but that is what i see. The whole population can see it but no one dares make a difference. I respect what they say, i dont even bother arguing on what they can comprehend from my entries. Its just i want everyone to see what is on my mind.

If other people would read blogs by 17-year-olds they would be surprised on what they would read. Some may have expereinced more than what they should. We are often stereotypes as those fun-loving and carefree kind of people. Those who dont know any sense of reponsibility.

I really wrote this entry just to show our side. The teens go through a lot of things and problems - mostly financial, family and self. We try to find our place in this world at this age before we are considered as one of society's producers and workers.

exams. exams. exams.

2006-03-16T20:16:00.000+08:00

in the midst of all the pressure and confusion the exams are bringing, here i am sitting infront of the computer thinking of what exciting thing to do. shouldnt ibe inside my roomand flipping throught leaves of texts? maybe i should be, but why am i not that interested in opening a book? sometimes, it is hard for me to understand myself. one time, i like this and at times i like that. dont we all? is it some psychological problem or i really lack discipline and motivation?

well, it just proves something abuot my priorities. yes, i wouldlike to relieve myself of stress before going into another stressful condition. yes, stress over stress is like suicide. you neve rknow how much you can bear until you get tired and just say you dont want any of it anymore. well, i didnt come to the point of giving up on everything im doing.

i wouldnt take it against you for thinking that im such a big slack-off. well, i suggest stay out of my business. hmm, not really. just dont judge me by this entry. thats all. i ask you not too. it really is your decision anyway. gah.

the tv is still not working. aww. i missed 2 episodes of the american idol and news say that its is melissa whowent home this elimination. thats okay. i never was a fan but i would agree that she has good vocal quality, just not my type.

sun cellular should improve their services. now that, i think, many people are subscribing to their network for unlimited services. i think that constructing more cell sites might improve signal here. haha. why did i just say that? well, its true anyway. they should look into their costumer's concerns and improve their services before its too late.

my head aches. and also, our report on the collected works of billy the kid is done. i think ma'am felt good about our dicscussion. mainly on how we presented it. our tableau. the brochures, orin layman's terms our hand-outs. haha. thanks to mels, i think she really deserve that +.25 in her grade. too bad i jsut lost mine, absence. argh. do i really have to get up early in the morning?

i wish i would pass physics and chem exams. [i would if i were studing right now]. haha. and that i would also pass physics lab. aww, im feeling down. no. uhm, i jsut felt rattled after that practical exam. so frightening.

im voting tomorrow. because i have no class.. haha. only pe. and oh, i forgot. i should bes tudying the constitution of kustura. aww. well, seems like ive got other important thigns to do. ill check in later if i can. see yah.

responsibilities.

2006-03-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

well, right now im feeling guilty. well, because it is partly my fault that xian's fone is missing. waa.. i hate this feeling. all i can do is pray and if i could turn back time, i would. i do hope that it will be found.

well, physics written exam tomorrow and i cant refuse to theurge of blogging. like, this is where i blurt out all my feelings or else i could explode. i finished reading princess in the spoghtlight this afternoon. and god, do i need to sort out my priorities. look at it this way, yes, its good im done reading a book, but i still have four (make it three) novels to read. and one is to be discussed this monday. and the other novels is discussed by our group and i havent even laid my eyes on it!

NUMBER ONE THING TO DO:
1. sort out priorities

im going to add things there.. then, it would be the number one. it could be up to ten or maybe a hundred. there are a lot more important things to do (like studying for an exam tomorrow) yet i tend to do things which i think are a lot more fun. maybe that is it, i should make my reponsibilities a lot more fun to do. that couldbe the secret in not tending to neglect important responsibilities.

for this evening, there are no people in the house (except for me and my sister who went to parañaque) meaning i could study in peace. yes, i do hope my cousins are out for good. joke! haha. its a good thing my sister left after she cooked dinner. yes, i was happy she cooked because it would be my responsibility to cook if she left without doing it. aww. why is it that i always want toescape my responsibilities? why cant i prepare myself for taking a lot more work than what i had in my early years? i sure hope that there would be one profound moment in my life that would teach me these things.

oh, how i want summer to be here already. one, i would still be studying, math54 i hope. and a new pe, sports climbing. and, a new sports program for me and my high school friends. yes, they said that they would be playing sports in teh sports center for summer nights. i agreed to the idea though i know that summer would still be stressful for me.

dont count your chicks until the eggs are hatched. i do the oppsite sometimes (okay,not sometimes but almost everytime i want something). that is the main reason why i get so frustrated in not getting what i want. like for example, saving money to buy a new fone. damn! i made a plan such that i could maximize the money i save. turns out, i cant follow my plan. there, i wont make excuses for not following my plan. any excuse wont be enough. its like the tagalog saying "kung gusto maraming paraan, kung ayaw maraming dahilan". sure, i do have enough reasons to save and follow my plan. the things is i also have a comparable number of excuses for not doing it.

but, i know my idealistic self. everything will go my way someday. just like this week. everything will again feel perfect. i know it would be another rainbow after a perfect storm. yes, there are a lot more things to come my way, im just 17 years old. and 17 years is not long enough to say that you've gone through a lot of things. if it is, what do you call those successful 37-year olds or those even more than half a century living in this world. could i sayive gone through more things than they did? no. for my part, ive gone through more than a 17 year old would have gone through. its up to you to make my sentences appear logical. haha. even i cant understand my logic at times.

okay, that is all.and as ive said i have an exam tomorrow. and i need to study. flunking a lab class isnt an achievement you know.

everything felt perfect

2006-03-09T21:12:00.000+08:00

this week,so far, is the best for the year. everything went well and felt perfect. everything fits. all along, i know this will come and it would just be the beginning of a brand new life in the light.

and this morning ive received the best news ive heard so far. no its not that rustom is gay, i dont care and i would just let him be. well, i got my projected eng11 grade. and it is a whooping 1.5, yahoo isnt it?! i really cant believe it. after allt hose absences and lack of participation, i still got a line of uno grade for that. god really makes miracles. well, i just have to oppurtunities to prove that, the group discussion and final exam. by this time, i should be preparing for my finals and reading the novel assigned to our group. anyway, life is fun but you know sometimes we tend to forget our responsibilites and this saturday i am invited to watch lambanog, it is a somehwta movie directed and written by icy's cousin. well, i hope i can come.

i suddenyl blurted out what has been inside me for a long time. i just cant write it here,it is too personal to tell. well, you can always approach me and we can talk about it. certainly, it takes time before i tell you that but onceyou hear me sayit iknow you wont resist a longer conversation.

that is all i want to add right now. hell weeks are, again, around the block. ive got to prepare, i wouldnt want failing another subject again. thats my motivation from now on.

a dull moment.

2006-03-07T21:40:00.000+08:00

i dont know the reason but i am totally happy today. my outlook on life suddenly changed but at present, its for the better. i just know it.

i really need to know who billy the kid really is.

aww. the last activity for eng11 sure is tiring. discussing a novel ander two genres is confusing. anyway, if everything is planned there is no room for confusion.

just today, i felt more secured than ever. there is no need to know the reason why. just believe in me.

and by the way, this afternoon for my break, i passed my eswat app form with the hope that i would be given the chance to be part of it again. well, i didnt do well this past semester because i didnt haveenough breaks to visit eng'g. well, as opposed to the first sem. and im planning that my first sem for the second year is as free as last sem's schedule. if it all fits.

im crossing my fingers such that i would be passing all my subjects this sem. i can say that its too late to plan bringing my grades higher. all i need to do now is pass all my remaining exams and shoot! i would pass. yes, that is all i can do now. and if i pass my math53, i would take math54 in the summer. i dont care if i wouldnt be enjoying summer. i would not enjoy summer if i would just stay home and do nothing and be a bum for two months!

anyway, i was just happy today and yesterday. i felt a lot better already just thinking of what happened for this past few days. well, even though i experienced a lot of love, i cant take away all those depressing feelings..

why isit that whenever i hear the song "till theytake my heart away" my surroundings become still and all the emotions i feel just change into something i cant explain..

when we believe.

2006-03-06T22:24:00.000+08:00

why is it that whenever im caught in a situation i dont like i start singing "take me out of the dark"? i really feel the depth of this song and it really relieves me of the strong emotions i feel. well, thats how i react when an unexpected turn of events come.

also, the song "when you believe", the song that won best original song, strikes me. yes, everything can happen when you believe. actually, the sdong is playing right now thats why my thoughts shifted into this topic.

actually, im not into blogging today. well, i was just wondering on some impossible things like me joining a singing contest.. it would be a great fullfilment for me. although i know inside i dont have the voice to compete. some say i do have, but i know myself. all i can do is sing in the bathroom and hope to be discovered by some talent scout. haha. i really am impossible.

impossible is a big word thrown by small people who are contented living in a world they have been given rather than explore the power they have to change it.

the quote is from muhammad ali. i think it is used by adidas in their ads nowadays. i first read it in a site here in the internet. i got captivated by it and from then on i just try to follow what it says. there is nothing impossible in this world. you want to make a change, you can. i think it correlates with the song "when you believe".

i think that what ive mostly discussed in today's blogis about making things happen. just like when i woke up today, i thought that i wanted to make a change on how i am living. althoughif orgot thanking the lord when i woke up, i know in my mind i am very grateful abuot the things he gave me. and this morning, during my english11 oral exam, i felt very confident. miracles do happen when you believe.

there are some things in this world that you cant explain. like having your first uno. or having your wish. and yes, i would like to share a story of mine where i really dont know what to feel. here goes...

well, this morning i had my eng11 oral exam on poetry, i didnt know that we were supposed to study the two poems "naked vision" and "the visible baby". well, i only studied the poem "naked vision" and i was pretty confident on how i would be explaining to our prof my criticism on it. then, when i reached fc they asked me whether i studied for the two peoms and that we would be knowing the poems we would be criticizing when we are infront of our professor. suddenly, a gush of butterflies spread through my stomach [i though, oh, god...] i really dont know what to do by then and i asked my classmate if i could borrow a copy of "the visible baby". when i saw tha poem, i know in my mind that i cant make a logical criticism in 30 minutes and that the only choice i ahve is to pray that i would pick the card bearing the title "naked vision". when my time came, i couldnt believe the magic of god when i read what is written on the paper, "naked vision by gwen harwood". i didnt know what my reaction should be. well, the exam went well and i am confident i get and uno for that!

the story, i know, is not that hard to believe. some say it may be luck. what i would say, there are really miracles when you believe in everything. the lord wnated my to study "naked vision" and that is what he gave to me on my exam. he works on ways we dont know. he makes sure that there is a reason behind everything he planned. he wont give us what he knows that we cant bear.

this blog just proves how i believe in my god. well, he made surehe is real once. he proved itagain today. i know he is real.

i think this is enough for today. well, my story is what happened today. it is also the reason why i am happy today. i saw my crush and it seems like i dont care anymore although i cant stop looking. one week of quarantine did the trick. haha. anyway, i sure hope that my crush will be happy. for me, i hope.

another day in my life

2006-03-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

the horoscope was perfect for the day. everything went on as said on the horoscope. i wonder if things really do happen because of them or we only relate what happened for the day to the horoscope. nonetheless, i believe in astrology.

anyway, ive borrowed the fone. yes, im using a cellular fone again. way to go for me. and, ive got an exam tomorrow. but ive prepared. i know what to say, i just need more things to back me up. i need resources, i need facts. i need an uncluttered mind tomorrow.

ive been into a great deal of enduring weeks of living without a fone. oh, yes. i would definitely categorize it as an achievement for me. well, ima social guy. i need all the resources i can use to socialize.

lately i realized that god is so good to me. yes. he give me more than what i needed. its more than enough. and in return, what do i do? nothing. well, its payback time.

lately, i frustration arises when i remember my dreaming-of-ateneo days. well, theres no point in lingering with the emotion of frustration when the ateneo comes into a coversation. what can i do? cry over spilled milk? icant. all i can do now is to finish what ive started. for once, i want this to be a fruitful process. i can say ive done some productive stuff before, i want this to be even more than being productive, i want this to be fruitful. well, i cant tell the dfference. it just seems to me that being fruitful is of higher level than being productive.

looking for someone to love is such a dumb idea, dont you think? why the rush when you know its going to get you when you least expect it. well, other people just cant wait.

what do we mean by true people? are they tehones who dont lie?or those who show their true selves without hesitation?

humans?

2006-03-04T23:25:00.000+08:00

ive proven things right.

the happiest faces masks the loneliest of hearts. yes, i believe its true. porven and tested by me. some people really cant let others see what they really feel inside. even if their depressed or just down, they show others how happy they are. these people, the masters of pretension, need other people to understand them and comfort them when the time comes.

others, just accept what has been going on in their lives. losing a valuable thing doesnt occur to them as a dull and sad moment but more of an oppurtunity to think of what has been missing in ther life. it may be more of a sign telling you that you are forgetting more valuable things or (more importantly) people.

how can we get people masking their true feelings turn into those who can freely say or show what they trully feel inside?

or do you even know what these poeple feel inside when they cant express their feelings wholly? doyou ever wonder what goes on their minds whenever they have emotions they want but really cant express? do you know how much pain they indergo whenever they become frustrated of not being able to express themselves?

how can we say that we easily fall in love but not out of love?

you know sometimes, when im out into the public, i feel that im such a small individual in a world of people with different personalities and attitudes and achievements. but when i am alone, i feel that i am such a wonderful person and that i am great and all this and all that. what is wrong with me?

i too am human.

what it really does mean.

2006-03-04T12:40:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: October 5

You have many talents, and you are great at sharing those talents with others.
Most people would be jealous of your clever intellect, but you're just too likeable to elicit jealousy.
Progressive and original, you're usually thinking up cutting edge ideas.
Quick witted and fast thinking, you have difficulty finding new challenges.

Your strength: Your superhuman brainpower

Your weakness: Your susceptibility to boredom

Your power color: Tangerine

Your power symbol: Ace

Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

what i represent.

2006-03-04T12:25:00.000+08:00

You Are The Lovers

You represent ideal love: innocence, trust, exhilaration and joy.

You demonstrate the harmony of opposites, two sides coming together.

At times, you also represent the struggle between what is right and what is tempting.

Control is an issue for you, especially when you don't know your reasons for choosing something.

Your fortune:

You have an important choice you need to make about love, and it will be a difficult choice to make.

You are likely struggling between the love you crave and the love that is right.

In the end, you will choose what you crave, even if it's bad for you.

Because without what you crave, you will feel empty and incomplete.

What Tarot Card Are You?

i wouldnt mind this being true.

the horrendous week.

2006-03-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

i am not happy on hohw this week is turning out. though i have admitted it, i am still cooking up some ideas on making this work better on my point of view. certainly, others have enjoyed this week while for me, it is full of frustrations. anyway, talking about frustrations makes you more frustrated so it is better if we skip the topic.

i feel off the road lately maybe because of the long weekend and oversleeping. i need more sleep but i cant take away my habits of sitting infrotn of the computer till 2 in the morning. what is wrong with me? i just needa lot fo faith and a lot of courage to fight temptations. that is easy said but it looks like its going to be hard than it seems to be.

and this week, i totally forgot about thanking god for all the things he's done for me. well, except probably last wednesday.

well. the week is supposed to be ending tomorrow. ive got nothing to do on saturday. and i wish i could go to paranaque just to take my mind of the busy things marikina is bringing me.

i wish i could just go to sleep till infinity. well, i i hope not. ive got many things planned for me in this world. ive got to create a miracle before i die.

please.

2006-02-26T23:06:00.000+08:00

some things are really hard to let go.

right now i feel frustrated of notbeing able to install ragnarok on our pc. yes, im craving for something to play. i love those mmorpg; gunbound lost its appeal to me. so does mu. so im wanting ragnarok.

i wish there would really be no classes tomorrow. a whole day of review for math exam and reserve some time for chem test. how i wish i were not a crammer like this. anyway, i am not yet cramming. and i need an excuse letter for conducting my missed experiments on friday. i hope mam willl accept them.

i wish i had more motivation nowadays. im going off the road to better grades.

i wish i never chose the path to hell. why do some people act like they are superior beings. iwould not be naming names but one is definitely residing at the same house as i. its not like i dont like them but, sometimes they are just too bossy and nosy. i hate it when they stick their noses on thingsthat arent their concerns.

enough of frustrations. i just want to cleatmymind of things i dont want loitering in my head. i dont thoughts that hindermy studies. i dont want them.

something anew.

2006-02-26T14:18:00.000+08:00

creating a new blog does mean leaving some things behind.

some kind of make-over mission for my life. to put thing sin order to generate a goal to pursue. yes, i needed this time to start anew and leave those bestial things in the past. but every now and then, i need to look back and put into logic everything that has happened. i wouldnt want to be lost in the future not knowing what caused everything.

maybe id be adding a lot later. yes, id be studying for now. chem test tomorrow and math exam on wednesday. tata for now.